Tuesday, December 01, 2009

How to lose friends and unimpress people!

Never use a short word that makes sense when a long word that doesn't make sense is available. Instead of 'probably', say 'probabilistically'. Instead of 'problem', say 'problematically'. Instead of 'impress' say 'impressionistically'. Avoid 'making up' when 'reconcile' or 'reconciliation' is available. Never say sorry or 'apologise' when an 'apologia' is available. And don't stop at pretentious English words, take words out of context from the works of difficult-to-understand French philosophers: don't say 'differ' or 'difference', say 'differance'!

Example: "Well, we'll just have to agree that we have a differance over this problematic, and probabilistically we'll never reconciliate our differances. However, your argumentations are very impressionistic, and I offer an apologia up in advancement."

I recently used 'apologia' in an email, but unfortunately I didn't follow up the opportunity and use any of those other words. Bollockifications!


Paul said...

Excellent advice. And don't forget to throw in some obscure references, smattering of other languages etc, that's a good way to show how clever you are.

TimT said...

True, but that implies I know obscure references in order to be able to refer to them!

TimT said...

As for other languages: ich spreche fluent Francois, und meine Espanol is even better.

Mitzi G Burger said...

It's an admirablesque underatkering: to cal a spade a hand-held digging utensil, that develops utensilitis when unintentionistically thrust aside or far-flung, left to oxidify during bouts of precipitatory inclimature.

BwcaBrownie said...

on the way to my comment I am slayed (in a good way) by the magnificerence of Mitzi's UNDERATKERINGS.
JUST A GREAT WORD. espec. to describe politicians promising to do something ... anything.

Dan the VespaMan said...

Tim, I am totalistically in agreementations with your suggestionosities.

...or at least I think I am.

Holle said...

Ha ha ha ha ha. You make me laugh. What a gift. P.S. I just wrote a pirate poem ready for Jan. ninja slam..

Ms Rachy said...

You appear to be suffering from programmatic specificities.

TimT said...

Well gratuitous gratuities and platitudes of gratitude to you all!

Email: timhtrain - at -

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