A passenger on the train yesterday seemed to be writing poetry in their little notebook. I decided to look at the poetry being written to see just how long it took poetic thoughts to be formulated on paper. (Though in the end I'm not sure how fast poetry should be written, anyway.) The rate seemed to be a bit faster than an autumn leaf slowly and sadly falling to the ground, and a tad faster than a continent morosely drifting through the ocean in that morose way that continental drift has of happening. Is there a scale on which we can describe the velocity of poetic thoughts, anyway?
Anyway, it all seemed faintly indecent, this writing of poetry on trains. It was a bit like seeing someone drink on the trains - just what will they allow next, I thought? Then of course I realised that, in my lap, my own notebook was open, and I happened to be penning a number of thoughts in them as well, at a rate somewhere between that of a languidly-drifting spider-web from one corner of the room to another, and... and... and the ineffable... um...
Bugger it. I'll take up being an alcoholic on the trains instead. At least I'll have a better excuse for mangling my metaphors then.
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7 comments:
I saw some inspectors - four burly chaps with monobrows, knuckle noses, foetid body exhalations etc. They discovered a versifier on the train (the metaphor using miscreant had been pretending he was merely doing a crossword! the audacity.) Anyway it came to a good end - the ponce poetry type person was fined, cudgelled, and thrown like a sack of chitted potatoes off the train. Hurrah for the inspectors.
by Hugh Humph-Humboldt MBE
I myself have penned poems on several modes of public transport. Most gratifying was the one written on the bus on the back of a receipt from the optometrist (thankfully, my eyesight is excellent). I have yet to be apprehended by the inspectors to which 'anonymous' refers and so have not had the joy of being cudgelled and thrown off the transport like a sack of spuds (chitted or not).
As to the correct speed of writing on such conveyances I say it should be proportional to the speed at which the vehicle is travelling. I have yet to determine whether this should be on a linear or logarithmic scale. This would probably disbar poets from airline travel, though the income stream afforded by the creation of such metaphoric and linguistic delights is rarely sufficient to procure such a means of transport in any case.
Hurrah for the inspectors! Prospective poets should be nipped in the spud! Good on them for chipping in, I say!
On a slightly more serious note, inspectors were telling someone off on the train the other day for leaving an mX on the seat. Blimey, if they're going to start doing that, half of Melbourne will be in trouble...
It is most propitious that in the alternative Liberal budget last night, The Right Horrible Toned A'Bot said funding for eradication of poets on public transport will be a central plank to fiscal policy. No more will idling versifiers, impecunious peddlars of semantics, poetising ponces, or feckless scribes be able to abuse the good and honest system we have in this great land. I have no patience for those limp wristed Lefties who support these shambolic wastrels of 'wordsmithing'. I worked hard all my life, and am not having my taxes squandered on such abominations.
yours, Hugh Humph-Humboldt MBE
A
Now it's that I don't like your comment (I lust after comments on this blog just as a miser lusts after gold) but I am finding myself increasingly befuddled by these one-letter postings by you Anon. (No, not YOU Anon, and not YOU either, Anon, the other Anon, yes YOU Anon). Is this a conceptual art project, to leave a single letter on random blog posts?!??? Cheerio!
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