Ms Gloria Scrote, vice-principal-under-secretary of the RSPCOW (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Office Workers) tells plenty of horror stories about abandoned Office Workers in the cold streets of Melbourne.
"It's always common at this time of year," she says. "They're employed, in a fit of enthusiasm, in the summer months only to be dropped, several months later, because the employer discovers they're no longer able or willing to take care of them."
"These lonely abandoned Office Workers gather in gangs or packs, and sometimes can become quite a nuisance. For instance, in Heidleberg the other day, a small enclave of abandoned Office Workers were found. They were using their mobile phones to make a small telemarketing office environment, selling holiday plans made in Banglaldesh to unsuspecting members of the public. Thankfully, they were all rounded up, caught, and taken to the nearest OWP (Office Worker Pound)."
OFFICE WORKER OF THE WEEK:
Rusty is a shy but dedicated Office Worker who is looking for a cubicle to call his own. He is well-groomed and has been desexed, and is easy to take care of. Needs a lunch hour every day and a little space so that he can run around in. He is friendly and will get alone with most people. He answers to the names of 'Russ', 'Rusty', or 'The Lickspittle Kid'. He was previously maltreated in a telemarketing office, so needs a little loving attention every now and again by accountants.
If you want to adopt 'Rusty', call the RSPCOW on 1800 WHO CARES now!