Wednesday, June 27, 2007

The Scent of Wet Office Worker

In these winter months, please take some time out of your busy schedule to consider the plight of a well-known domestic creature: the abandoned Office Worker. All day, every day, abandoned Office Workers roam the streets and trains, looking for an office to work in and a cubicle to call their own.

Ms Gloria Scrote, vice-principal-under-secretary of the RSPCOW (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Office Workers) tells plenty of horror stories about abandoned Office Workers in the cold streets of Melbourne.
"It's always common at this time of year," she says. "They're employed, in a fit of enthusiasm, in the summer months only to be dropped, several months later, because the employer discovers they're no longer able or willing to take care of them."
"These lonely abandoned Office Workers gather in gangs or packs, and sometimes can become quite a nuisance. For instance, in Heidleberg the other day, a small enclave of abandoned Office Workers were found. They were using their mobile phones to make a small telemarketing office environment, selling holiday plans made in Banglaldesh to unsuspecting members of the public. Thankfully, they were all rounded up, caught, and taken to the nearest OWP (Office Worker Pound)."


Rusty is a shy but dedicated Office Worker who is looking for a cubicle to call his own. He is well-groomed and has been desexed, and is easy to take care of. Needs a lunch hour every day and a little space so that he can run around in. He is friendly and will get alone with most people. He answers to the names of 'Russ', 'Rusty', or 'The Lickspittle Kid'. He was previously maltreated in a telemarketing office, so needs a little loving attention every now and again by accountants.

If you want to adopt 'Rusty', call the RSPCOW on 1800 WHO CARES now!


Karen said...

I know a fellow who once worked for a very large and well-known accountacy firm where employees were given sets of drawers on wheels instead of offices or desks. You were supposed to wheel your set of drawers over to a free desk, only they'd "cleverly" neglected to provide enough desks in an effort to encourage the employees to visit the clients (or to make the clients pay for the desks!). I was very confused when I first heard the story.

Karen said...


(Blogger needs a parsing function).

TimT said...

Ah, wonderful, so every day at work is like an infuriating game of musical chairs! That is the best example of stupid large-organisation bureaucracy I have heard for a while.

Karen said...

He told me how people made do, but I can't remember the rest of the story at this time of night.

Ms Robinson said...

I have lived as Karen describes. People would look at me like I was asking for money for drugs as I wheeled my lone cart around the office.

So one day I just said fuck off, went home and have stayed there ever since. You cannot expect a lady of style to live like that.

Like your work.

Anonymous said...

Now you know what would be really cool? If you devised a nice HTML snippet that allowed us to put 'Rusty' in our sidebars, like those adorable little cyberpets. What fun.

TimT said...

No, Ms Robinson, I love your work.

Excellent idea, Binnsy. I'll have the WTFF IT team get onto it straight away.

Anthony_ said...

Haha funny stuff

Email: timhtrain - at -

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