Thursday, February 28, 2008

Inappropriate job applications

Well, if you've been listening to commercial or ABC radio stations in Melbourne, Sydney, Perth, Adelaide, Darwin, Hobart, Canberra, or Brisbane, or anywhere else across Australia, or even if you've been reading the paper, you might have heard the news that Chiko Roll - that most disgusting of all Australian snack foods - is looking for a new model.

For those who are enlightened enough to be unenlightened about this subject, here's what Wikipedia has to say about Chiko:

The Chiko Roll or CHIKO Roll is an Australian savoury snack developed by Francis McEnroe, a boilermaker from Bendigo ... Since the 1940s, Chiko rolls have been advertised by an iconic "girl on a motorbike" (also known as the "Chicko Roll Chick"[citation needed]) theme. The girl is usually photographed straddling a large motorcycle, holding the Chiko roll near her crotch in a phallic gesture. The accompanying slogan is "Couldn't you go a Chiko Roll?".

Naturally, I have decided to do the right thing, and bravely volunteer myself for this position:

Dear Chiko Roll makers,

I would like to apply for the position of Chiko Roll girl. I am a 30 year old heterosexual male with stubble. I have not had any previous modelling experience. I have only ever eaten one Chiko Roll. I cannot ride a motorcycle. In addition to this, I have skills in computing and writing, and a Bachelor of Arts and Master of Arts from Sydney University.

However, I believe I can learn on the job.

Tim 'Next Chiko Roll Girl' Train.

With an application like that, how can I fail? Here's hoping my qualifications don't disqualify me for this important job.


alexis said...

You're an inspiration to us all, Train.

Dear Chiko Roll makers,

I would like to apply for the position of Chiko Roll girl. I am a semi-obstreperous vegetarian with non-negotiable armpit hair. Please see the attached CV; I draw your attention in particular to my qualifications from the Royal Life Saving Society and my two years' experience as a dog walker in South Sydney.

Looking forward to hearing from you,

Lexicon H.

P.S. have you thought about kidney beans rather than sheep?
P.P.S. it works for burritos.
P.P.P.S. I only straddle bronze diprotodons.

TimT said...

With such competition for talent, the quest for the new Chiko Roll girl could quickly become as big as Rudd's 2020 Ideas Summit!

alexis said...

Good grief - just noticed that of the 11 steering committee members for the Ideas Summit, 10 are boys. Bloody 'ell.

Ampersand Duck said...

Both of you could profit by adding to your application the fact that either of you have as much in common with a chiko roll as a girl on the back of a motorbike...

Caz said...

I'm loath to discourage your ambitions Timmy, particularly as I believe you're destined for great things, but I have an awful feeling that you're over-qualified for this icon, err, roll.

(Savory????!!! Bloody hell, the thing has no flavor to speak of!)

TimT said...

If Chiko Rolls are savoury, then cardboard is savoury.

Jen&HerBoat said...

I think I like this part the best....

:designed to be able to be eaten with one hand whilst drinking a beer with the other:

Caz said...

Don't try saying that with a thumb full of beer.


Maria said...

"Good grief - just noticed that of the 11 steering committee members for the Ideas Summit, 10 are boys. Bloody 'ell."

And the eleventh ISN'T a Chiko Roll girl!

Bloody disgrace.

There's also only one Aboriginal on the panel ... and other than that, all Anglos. Well, it wasn't diversity that Rudd was after, so it's expert ideas, but not diversity of background ...

Depends on what he values, but questions could be: Is it the image he wants to reflect? What does it say about him if it is? And is it what the community values?

TimT said...

Readers of newspapers are getting a chance to go to the summit. And a number of places have been earmarked for media representatives. It's not experts Rudd is after, and not even ideas (some ideas summit it's going to be). He's just after good publicity.

Maria said...

If it were publicity he were after, he should have picked Russell Crowe for his Oscar Winner rep. I'm sure he knows more about getting a front-pager and a bit of a sensationalism than Cate!

Maria said...

Perhaps as well as nominating Russell Crowe as an Ideas Summit representative, I could nominate him as a Chiko Roll Girl possibility?

Dear Chiko Roll Makers,

I would like to nominate Russell Crowe for the position of Chiko Roll Girl. He is a heterosexual male and he has stubble. I am not aware of any previous modelling experience however he does wear a pair of sunglasses well and is very good in front of cameras. He may not have eaten a Chiko Roll but he has eaten a photographer before. In addition he has the skills of boxing, throwing people out windows, reclaiming football clubs and fencing.

He may not look as impressive in a short pink skirt as some females of the more petite build, however I believe he can throw an impressive tanty if he is told something he does not wish to hear.

Yours truly,


Auto Recruitment said...

I'd like to see Hamish from Hamish and Andy as the Chiko Roll girl.

Email: timhtrain - at -

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