Sunday, September 21, 2008

Foot-in-the-door-in-the-foot journalism


Hello folks. It's me, your Intrepid Reporter, here in my house, where just the other day, without warning or provocation, my door suddenly slammed me in the foot. Now let me remind you, if you actually did need reminding, that's a door in the foot that I normally use for foot-in-the-door journalism. Is that any way to treat a respectable journalist, or for that matter, myself? Are all Intrepid Journalists going to be treated like this by their doors?

I've decided to go to the source and ask the door itself.

(CUT TO: Shaky camera footage of journalist confronting the door)

Mr Door, would you be able to say why you hit me in the foot the other day?

Mr Door, will you guarantee that this will not happen to journalists in the future?

Mr Door, why aren't you speaking to us?

Mr Door, do you have anything to say to the thousands of viewers out there who you or your kind may have shut on?

(CUT BACK TO: Intrepid Reporter in his house)

Well, unfortunately, before I was able to get a foot in the door to speak to the door about the door-in-the-foot-in-the-door incident, the door almost closed on my foot again, making this the most appalling case in recent times of foot-in-the-door-in-the-foot-in-the-door-in-the-foot-again journalism of recent times.

Worse still, other examples of inanimate objects attacking innocent Intrepid Reporters (ie, me) have been noticed. Just yesterday, I happened to fall off my seat at the table. I decided to take the case up with the seat this morning. Here's what it had to say for itself:

(CUT TO: Intrepid Reporter confronting the seat at the table)

Mr Seat, do you have anything to say for yourself?

Anything at all?

Mr Seat, do you have any concerns at all about your treatment of Intrepid Reporters?

Mr Seat, will you admit here and now to your mistakes?

(CUT BACK TO: Intrepid Reporter in his house)

Well sadly, before I could get a foot in the door to speak to the seat at the table, my window of opportunity with that seat at the table closed.

Speaking of windows of opportunity, I also had a close run in with my window yesterday, which tried to close on my hand.

(CUT TO: Footage of Intrepid Reporter waving the microphone around in the window)

Mr Window, why did you just try to do that? Mr Window, are you going to speak to me at all?

(CUT BACK TO: Intrepid Reporter in his house)

Could this predict a breakdown in reporter-window relations? I tried to get a seat at the table to get a foot in the door to speak to this window, but the door closed before I could get to the window of opportunity there. I didn't even get a door in the foot, much less a foot in the door. The window is refusing to answer all our questions.

Coming to you from a very dangerous house, your extremely Intrepid Reporter. Back to you.

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