Monday, September 15, 2008

It's a party at my house and no-one's invited

Today, instead of going out partying to celebrate my birthday, I did something much better: I read in the bath. Reading in the bath is a simple, affordable, and achievable pleasure for just about anyone, and really, you have no excuse not to do it.

One (1) bath;
One (1) book, magazine, or other item of reading material (do NOT under any circumstances make it an electricity bill. That's just sick, man.)
One (1) towel ready at close quarters.

The bath must of course be sufficiently hot to allow a good long soak, and sufficiently deep so that you can sink into it and slosh about at your leisure. A ledge should also be handy to place your book on, so that it doesn't become wet while you slosh around. The towel should of course be handy so that when you pick up the book after sloshing around, your hands have been dried and the book doesn't become damaged.

In my particular case, I forgot about the towel and therefore had to blow on my hands when they had become wet to help them dry. In addition, because of peculiarities with my hot water system, I run out of hot water quickly. This means that I had to turn the hot water on full bore when running the bath to get it of a sufficient depth to slosh and loll about in (those thinking of preparing a bath in which to read, be careful to plan and prepare for such eventualities before bathing).

However, I am happy to report that the bath was indeed of sufficient depth, the sloshing and splashing was as jolly as any that have occured in the regions of a bath, and the book was fabulous: P G Wodehouse's 'Right ho, Jeeves', in point of fact. A book-in-the-bath quote for you:

Frankly, I was shocked by the unfortunate young prune's appearance. At Cannes she had been a happy smiling English girl of the best type, full of beans and buck. Her face now was pale and drawn, like that of a hockey centre-forward at a girls' school who, in addition to getting a fruity one on the shin, has just been penalized for 'sticks'. In any normal gathering, her demeanour would have excited instant remark, but the standard of gloom at Brinkley Court had become so high that it passed unnoticed...

I suppose there are some people who might insist on going out for one's birthday, but really, why do that when you can have a one-person party at home with your bath and your book?


nailpolishblues said...

And some people are forced, kicking and screaming, to the far north for their birthdays...

Oh how I miss reading in the bath.

vague said...

Happy birthday! I think reading in the tub sounds like an excellent idea.

Tim said...

Happy birthday!

Gempires said...

I spent our birthday watching DVDs and feeling ill. I considered a bath but it seemed like too much effort, which is a big call from me because a bath is a prerequisite for me when house hunting (I chose my last flat over other, nicer flats because it had a bath), and in winter I have a bath probably six nights per week on average.

I read in the bath for a minimum of thirty minutes and a max of one hour. My bath is old and deep and lovely, my hot water comes out in a mere trickle but on the upside it never runs out. IT NEVER RUNS OUT. We have a unique gas contraption that heats as it goes, rather than a tank where all the water must reheat. So the hot water takes a full minute or two to get hot, and the bath takes twenty minutes to fill, but oh lord it is worth it.

My towel hangs too far for page-turning hand drying, so I use my hair. You might want to try this at home.

I've got the itch. I think I'll have one now.

Ampersand Duck said...

Best birthday plan ever. I shall steal it when the time comes. The bath is the second-best place to read a book. The first is, of course, bed. Bed never gets cold. I can read in bed all day if I'm allowed. These days I'm never allowed.

TimT said...

Don't let the naysayers get to you, Ampersand Duck! Lie down for your rights! You CAN read in bed!

Ampersand Duck said...

[pumps fist]


[checks diary]

In November.

(ahh for those lovely undergraduate days when I would read in bed until my afternoon lectures...)

Ampersand Duck said...


Happy Birthday.

Caz said...


I TOTALLY FORGOT your birthday, just noticed in my calendar!



I am so sorry for my tardiness.

This is when I need one of those cards we discussed some time back ... oh oops, yes, you had a birthday, belatedly I'm happy for you, I must have had something dreadfully more important to do on the anniversary of the time and date of your birth, dreadfully sorry old chap, do hope it was entirely satisfactory for you ...

Maria said...

I just love the belated birthday card that says "My feelings for you grow each day so the fact that you get this card late means that it comes with more affection than it would have if I'd given it to you on your actual birthday - happy belated birthday!" - or something to that effect.

TimT said...

Thanks for the continuing birthday wishes! Truth be told, Facebook blew my cover so I thought it was safe enough to mention it in passing here.

Email: timhtrain - at -

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