If public transport ran time travel...

(Inspired by the exciting new service offered at a Melbourne train station - spotted by Tim!)

Attention, platform 2. The 5.14 to next week has been delayed. The 5.14 to next week has been delayed. It will now be arriving in 20 minutes.

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Good evening passengers. There are significant delays on the Past Travel train line to yesterday evening. Instead of arriving on the previous days within our scheduled time of four minutes, we anticipate significant delays of up to half an hour.
However, en route to yesterday evening we will be stopping at Box Hill station. All passengers who wish to alight there and take alternative transport may do so.

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The train to the previous fifteen minutes has been delayed because the driver has just sprained his ankle. We are currently sending a paramedic back two minutes in time to stop the train driver spraining his ankle one minute ago so that the train will arrive on time.
But in the meantime, please enjoy a performance of Lennon and McCartney's 'Yesterday', performed by a Christmas card our driver bought in Tattersalls.

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Now arriving at The Crusades. Please alight here for train changes to the Norman Conquest, the Viking Depredations, the Elimination of the Picts, or stay on the line for the previous thirty seconds.

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Sir, this is a zone one ticket and does not allow you to travel to the future. I suggest that you get off when we stop at the nineteenth century. Now, I will have to just ask you for some details...

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Due to a rail upgrade, this train will now not stop two days ago. However, we will be stopping on the weekend prior to this, where you have the choice of either changing trains, or simply getting off and waiting to arrive at the right time.

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Attention passengers: the future-travelling train to Armageddon and the end of all things is currently on time.

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Welcome to the future! Sorry about the state of our train station, we'll get around to cleaning it up... tomorrow. Maybe.