Monday, April 27, 2009

Unfolding workplace horror

For the love of God, what is this office making noises at me for? Every few minutes a high-pitched sine-wave shouts sharply in my ear - it's rather like a slow-motion car alarm. Slower, but every bit as effective at inducing attacks of anxiety, building rapidly into paranoia.

Birds make noises because they want to have sex or because they want you to get out of their territory, now, before they peck you to death. So what is the office singing to me for? What horror lies in wait if I don't heed the message the office is sending to me?


Zoe said...

It's a swine flu alarm

TimT said...

Ah, it must be the swine in upper management that set it off!

Dale Slamma said...

No. I think it is love. Your office loves you.

TimT said...

Oh no! Has it been looking at me? Will it feel rejected if I ignore it? And what if it turns into a crazed stalker?!?

I don't know how an office could handle these things - it could be like a female praying mantis, ravishing me and then eating my head off after it's had its way with me. Argh!

Dale Slamma said...

It is the kind of love that will fold in on itself if it is not returned. Your office will weep gently, become pale and interesting looking before expiring elegantly in a consumptive fit.

Best to back up any important documents before all this takes place.

TimT said...

Ha ha, as if we do anything important at work! It's mainly politicians waffling on about meaningless non-entities.

Ruby Isabella said...

It is telling you to get out of the office and go to the park. (And possibly chase a pink ball.) A very sensible office you have.

TimT said...

What to do? If I leave the office and go to the park, I may get sacked. If I don't leave the office and go to the park, it may ravish me and eat my head off.

I think I'll just sit here for two hours and do nothing and think it over until its time to go home. That'll solve everything!

Ampersand Duck said...

Yeah, maintain normality. Very wise.

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