Tuesday, May 19, 2009

An open letter to tomorrow's me

Hey me,

Yeah you! You know who I'm talking about, and what's worse, I know who you're talking about, too!

Just what the hell do you think you're doing, kid? Gawking at the net when you should be working, huh? You're a freaking disappointment to me, your self of yesterday. Think of me as your better conscience, your teacher, the father of the self of tomorrow, whatever - just look at yourself, sonny. Some kind of slavering, drooling, witless idiot, who's noodling around on the net when they should be paying attention to their livelihood. Who do you think you are? Who do you think I am, for that matter? I'm not going to lend you my hands of today just because your hands of tomorrow can't be bothered to do their work! Who do you think we are, kid? Do we really have so little respect for our mutual selves that we let ourselves get away with that kind of sloppiness? I've got a good mind to reach out through the monitor and the time vortex of today (which to the me of tomorrow is the you of yesterday) and slap you around a bit.

Pull yourself together, kid! And get a freaking haircut, too! If you're not careful, one day, you might find yourself turning into... well... me. As a matter of fact - I THINK YOU ALREADY HAVE!

Your loving friend,
Today's me

PS Don't look so shocked, buster. We knew we had it coming from him.


TimT said...

Shut up, preposterous old loon! I know what you're doing. Pathetically clicking around on the internet and playing facebook scrabble. Dribbling fool!

Alexis, Baron von Harlot said...

There's some interesting stuff going on here. The you of tomorrow will be a day older than the you of today, and therefore will be able to recollect the you of today as a callow young thing. But in another sense, in the sense that the tomorrow-you is a different person from the today-you, the tomorrow-you hasn't even been born yet. Tomorrow morning, tomorrow-you will be as a baby, inexperienced, whereas today-you will have lived a complete life. So tomorrow you is both older and younger than today you.

Gosh, I say.

Martin Kingsley said...

Ohhh, just you wait until I get me home.

TimT said...

Indeed, as Wordsworth would have said if he was any good, 'the slightly younger person is the father to the slightly older person in a metaphorical sense'.

Mitzi G Burger said...

Who recalls the song made famous by Priscilla Queen of the Desert? "I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me..."

TimT said...

Yes, and now we know what she meant, too!

Email: timhtrain - at -

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