Exciting new Kindle additions

Just check out these exciting additions which enhance your electronic book reading experience!

- Smell of old books button! No longer do you have to stand around in second hand bookstores run by crusty old men with cornflakes falling out of their beards to enjoy the unique sensual smell of old books. Just press this button, and our special 'smell of old book' enzyme will drift into your nostrils, providing you with that deep, rich, satisfying experience that will stay with you for the rest of your life.

- Book-worm knob. Comes with several settings: 'book worm', 'weevil', up to 'cockroaches'. The insects will fall out of a hole in the Kindle, replicating the satisfying experience you have upon opening up a mouldering old tome in an ancient dusty library and find a plenitude of creatures with more legs per entity than you thought possible. And because this is the Kindle, you can enjoy the insects in as many channels as there are books saved on your device. Also, speaking of mould...

- Now the Kindle comes in several Mouldy Old skins and encrustations, as good, if not better, than any you'd find on any secondhand book. And if it doesn't trigger several allergic reactions in the user, and possible have them on life support in an hour or two, then please - return to the Kindle company immediately. We wouldn't want to let our standards drop.