Music-playing devices - for and against

When it comes to playing music, basically you have a choice between many fine and highly-sophisticated music-playing devices, and dancing naked around your bedroom making hooting noises. So which will it be then?

Record Player - FOR: It's very retro. AGAINST: So retro that it's hard to buy a good record-player nowadays. Some records can get scratched.

CD Player - FOR: Good, clean sound. AGAINST: Except when one of the CDs gets scratched, and 'one of the CDs' increasingly seems to mean 'all of the CDs'.

iPod - FOR: Dunno, but everyone seems to like it. AGAINST: Though it's good for listening quietly to something in the train, who wants to sit at home with those things stuck in your ears?

Piano player - FOR: Doesn't have any problem with scratches. AGAINST: Piano can go out of tune though. And the piano player will occasionally need to be fed. And the piano player will occasionally stop mid-tune and scratch their bum. And they will have to spend an interminable amount of time practicing scales and what-not if they're to be any good.

Symphony orchestra - FOR: Nice, full sound. AGAINST: They may not all fit in your bedroom cupboard when you want to put them away.

Ancient Grecian bagpipe player - FOR:... it's very retro. AGAINST: According to this, er, respected source it will involve them, er, blowing into some inflatable dog's bollocks, um...

In conclusion, start dancing naked around your bedroom and making hooting noises now. It's the only ethical thing to do.