We are all lying in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the cars

Men get creative with grammar when they want to impress fertile women

Men who find themselves in the company of fertile women are more likely to make creative attempts at sentence structure to signify their mating fitness, a study has found.

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Simon was sitting on the train as it pulled into Thomastown Station when in walked a tall, lissom, shimmering, beauteous woman of dreams and mystery who happened to be known as Izabel Goulart, and sat down opposite him. And did I mention the train was otherwise empty? The train was otherwise empty.

"Morning good!" gulped Simon. "Having be I you hope trip nice a, day certainly it nice is, yes/no is questionish? Certainty the day beweathered is of glory!"

The passenger smiled and nodded agreeably and made polite conversation with Simon as the train continued on its way.

Soon, the train pulled into Reservoir, and onto the otherwise empty carriage (otherwise empty other than Simon and Izabel Goulart, that is), hopped Simon's father. Simon's father was 98 years old, had a face like a camel's bottom, burped habitually, was incontinent by choice, and smelled like rancid cheese. He sat down next to Simon and the three people smiled agreeably at one another.

"Going it how's dad hi?" asked Simon. "Shopping going you were, Reser-vore at you seeing surprise a certainly it's?"

Simon's father scowled. "Idiot boy you!" he cried. "Reser-voir pronounced is it, not Reser-vore!"