Wots In The Noos

Reading through the Australian this morning:

ONE third of all Australians list blindness as their most feared affliction -- equal to the number of people who rank cancer as their primary fear. Their anxiety is well-founded.

Now there's a problem that needs seeing to.

Suicide, not war, is biggest killer
GENEVA: Almost one million people kill themselves each year and the number, which exceeds the death toll from murder and war, is expected to hit 1.5 million by 2020, the World Health Organisation (WHO) said Wednesday.

Disgraceful. We need to have more wars immediately to stop these people taking their own lives. What's the good of a Government if it doesn't even take your life for you?

THE therapist's couch, once the sole domain of psychoanalysis, is being challenged by email and phone consultations as powerful tools to battle mental health disorders such as anxiety and depression.

This is ridiculous. You are not going to be able to diagnose serious mental health problems over the internet. Yes you can. Who asked you? That big pink elephant over there. Hey shut up while I'm blogging. No you're not.

(Stupid voices)

THE fall-out from the theft of Edvard Munch's The Scream has hit the National Gallery of Victoria.Norway's Munch Museum has decided not to lend its pastel on cardboard version of the work to the NGV for its upcoming retrospective.

Possible headline: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Plan to use surplus for super
THE Coalition has sought to counter Labor's claims of economic responsibility by proposing a "Future Fund" to invest budget surpluses to help meet the looming costs of an ageing population.

So let me get this straight. They plan to use the surplus plus the super to produce a super-superanuation?