Bus Driver Bus Driver Man

Have you heard the one about ...
I was on the bus the other day going up Hunter Street and I press the button to get out at the TAFE college.
The bus driver looks up at me before I step out and says,

"This is not one of my favourite bus stops, mate."

Or how about the one where...
The Blue Ribbon buses go from Newcastle to Raymond Terrace every day, about once every hour. Because they have a big distance to cover and because relatively few people use them, you have to wave them down.
So I step out on the road and wave my hand at the bus driver.
He waves back....

Plumbing New Depths...
I'm waiting at the bus stop. Lots of people are waiting at the bus stop. There's no bus.
And then I say what could possibly be the longest vulgarity I have ever uttered, a huge polysyllabic phrase consisting of 2 swear words, two colloquialisms, and one count of blasphemy.

FUCKMEDEADANDHANGMEOUTTODRYJESUSBLOODYCHRIST!

Plumbing new depths of locrassity, that is.

The best bus drive in the world
"Looks like it's going to be a quiet one," says the bus driver to me. The rest of the bus is empty.
I've just told him where I'm working at the moment - as a casual writing reports for an investigations firm in Newcastle, about people who make insurance and workers compensation claims.
"Yeah," I say.
"If there isn't anybody on the bus when we reach Hunter Street, we might just go your way."
"Thanks!"
"I want to get home." he goes on.
At Kahiba, some people get on.
"Good. Now there are more people on the bus I can drive faster."
I tell him about my brother who worked at a piggery in Victoria.
"He stayed on his own for a long time, didn't know many people down there."
"Everybody needs to stay on their own at some point in their life."
"Why?"
"Well... how do I put it? At some point in their life, everybody becomes fascinated by ... evil."
"Evil?"
"Yeah. They become fascinated with what they're capable of. And it's usually best that they stay away from others."
We reach Charlestown. Still more people get on. While he's getting some of their tickets, I look up at his photograph on the wall but I can only make out a number.
"Ah, we're all just a number, mate," he says when I mention it.
Casting about for something to talk about, I mention the election.
"Well," he says, "John Howard's already given us bread, circuses, and wars. I wonder what else people want?"
We reach Hunter Street.
"If there's nobody at this bus stop, mate," he says, "I'll drive the other way."
There isn't. Five minutes later he drops me off right where I want to be.
"Tim," I say to him as I leave.
"John," he says. "See you later!"

Update: I forgot the punchline...
Same bus trip - John mentions that he probably won't be driving for much longer, that his eyesight is getting too poor.
"So ... what will you do when you quit bus-driving?"
"Dunno. Guess I might ... take to the streets."
"Yeah?" I consider what to say to this. "Sounds like a lucrative profession..."
Then he gives me a sly look.
"Might even take out one of those workers compensation claims..."

Let me know of your own most-favourite/least-favourite trips on public transport...