Saturday, April 30, 2005

Footpath Rage

<fulmination mode>

Honestly. Other people walking on the footpath are so ridiculous. There should be a law against them. It's getting so that a gentleman can't go for his morning constitutional nowadays without running into gangs of Loiterers, Pamphleteers, Jostlers, Hip-swivellers, or Elderleys.

The Loiterers stand about in groups of two outside shop windows, strategically placed so that they disrupt your manly stride.

The Pamphleteers,
so called because they stand on street corners waiting for you to pass by and wave pieces of paper in your face demanding that you Save The Whales/Save The World/Save Your Soul/Make Great Savings Now! Don't these people have anything better to do with their lives? Streets are for walking, not talking.

The Jostlers who elbow you out of the way rudely.

The Hip-Swivellers Blonde, stick-figure-thing young lovelys wearing jeans and not much else. The way their buttocks rotate as they walk is a true wonder of nature. Perhaps they could place a pair of motion-activated flashlights upon their buttocks, thus alerting gentlemen of their presence at night.

The Elderlys ie, old people who get together in groups of three or four and take up the whole footpath. They then proceed to walk very slowly and carefully down the footpath, making sure that you are unable to get past them. If you attempt to do so, they will use their frames and walking sticks as deadly weapons. I am of the firm belief that these old people do it on purpose, and gather together in gangs during the mornings to discuss which footpath they shall walk down and whose path they shall obstruct.

One longs for the days when Walking was a gentleman's profession. Nowadays it seems they'll let anyone onto the streets. I think I'll start taking a car horn with me, so that when I get caught behind the next bunch of elderlys, I can honk it loudly in their ears until they move.

That'll show 'em.

</fulmination mode>

1 comment:

daisythelamb said...

Tim, you've completely left out the mobile phone users. As any fool well knows, walking and talking simultaneously is somewhat of a challenging enterprise, or so I assume. Because everytime I get stuck behind a person talking on their cell, they have a tendency to slow down, speed up, pause, or weave inexplicably, making it very difficult for me to walk behind, much less attempt to pass them. All very frustrating.

Email: timhtrain - at -

eXTReMe Tracker

Blog Archive