Thursday, February 09, 2006

Parents Are More Fun Than Babies!

Somehow, my mother manages to call me, every week, at the most inappropriate times. To head this off, I occasionally pick some inappropriate times for her, and call her then. Which is what I did earlier today. I set all the bowls on the stove and turned everything up to full heat then let it burn away while I called my parents.

Here's part of our conversation ...

Tim: So, anyway, Mum, can you send down two books for me?

Mum: Okay.

T: The Bible and the Q'uran.

M: What? What do you want those for?

T: Well, I'm going to convert, obviously, but I'm not sure which religion to pick yet. What do you think? Christian or Muslim?

M: ....

T: Can you mail them down?

M: Where are they?

T: In my old room, on the bookshelf behind the door.

M: Well ...

T: They're really easy to find. Go in there, and you'll find the books are listed in alphabetical order. The Bible and Q'uran are there under G.

M: G?

T: For 'God', obviously.

M: Oh! Are they really?

T: Didn't you know? I've shown you before. They're in the bit with all the novels and fictional works.

M: I don't know, Tim.

T: No, seriously. I'm going to convert, I really am. I guess I've got a couple of choices. Catholic or Protestant, Sunni or Shi'ite. What do you think? What sounds better?

M: Just go into a secondhand bookstore in Melbourne and buy a new copy ...

T: But why would I do that? I've got the books there. Besides, I'm not going to spend more money on the Q'uran when I've already bought it once.

M: It will cost too much to send them down. What do you want them for? Are you going to write something?

T: Mum! Those books are family heirlooms! It would be wrong to buy new ones!

M: ...

T: ...

M: So how's the weather down there?

T: Oh, fine, fine.

Parents are more fun than babies, they really are.


JPW said...

At first it looked like it said "Pants Are More Fun Than Babies" and I thought "No way!"

TimT said...

Well, I suppose they are too ...

Caz said...

No, pants are not fun. Haven't you ever read the statistics on the number of emergency room admissions as a consequence of men putting their pants on? Especially in Britain?

(The British even managed to have lots of accidents with tea cossies each year. Yes, true.)

Tim - your Mum must be very proud.

TimT said...

I'm sure she is.

'Tea Cossies' sounds like a cross between a kitchen item and a swimming costume. I'd imagine it would be quite dangerous combining the two.

Rachy said...

if you're going to convert, what are you now?

I'd assume Hindu. Maybe Sikh.

TimT said...

That's a good question: I'm only Sikh if I've been drinking too much; I usually have a Sunni disposition; but now and Zen, I turn to Buddhism.

Aunty Marianne said...

Wahabite Islam. You get to wear tablecloths, sport a really serious beard sculpture, and have several wives. Plus the Yanks have to keep you sweet because of the oil.

Shias only get to grow bushy mustaches. Wahabism is a real man's religion.

TimT said...

You get to wear tablecloths.

First tea-cossies, and now people wearing tablecloths.

Maybe we should change our religion every day of the week, like our clothes. If we include the wishy-washy new age ones, there'd be plenty to choose from; and if we ran out, we could always make up a few more.

Major Anya said...

Poor old mum, the things she puts up with.

You are living in inner-city Melbourne, Tim. You have to convert to nothing.

TimT said...

I'm not sure about that, Major. These days I find that if I do not belong to the Holy Church of Greenism and fast on anti-GM biodegradable Tofu every Sabbath, I get looked at very strangely by my Brunswick neighbours.

rascuache said...

hrmmm, i actually like my parents

but your exchange is funny

TimT said...

During the same phone call, Dad said to me, 'You'd make an excellent politician! You always find a way of avoiding the issue!'. And I actually had shown Mum my way of ordering the books as well. I was a little bit put out that she didn't remember it.

My mother is stridently anti-religious, which means that once every few months, I tell her I'm converting to some wild sect, just to keep her on her toes.

Caz said...

I'll bet the tablecloths are even more dangerous than the tea-cossies.

You are helping your mum prevent early onset of dementia; it's an act of love and kindness that you strive to keep her synapses firing, and her toes pointed.

Email: timhtrain - at -

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