A Question Answered

Question: If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, how many pecks of pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?

Answer:
If the percent of pickled peppers that Peter picked was proportional to Pamelas, then probably the pick of pecks came up to seven pecks. But personally, I prefer the proposal that is printed in the prologema to Polly Piggins "Pepperbook", that is:

'Peter Piper was a prick. And the pepper-picking skills of pricks like Peter Piper are pretty bloody petty."

Now Mr Piper's proponents (who are many) may suggest that:

"Polly Piggins is a prig, who, because she can't pick pickled peppers, printed propaganda in her "Pepperbook" about her pepper-picking betters - like poor old Peter Piper - just to make a pretty penny."

But Penelope Pugh Pippins*, pepperologist at Pisa, proposes in her panegyric to all pepper-picking people:

"It takes a prig to know a prick, and takes a prick to know a prig. And as Peter Piper told me: 'Polly Piggins is a PALTRY PRIG!', then without hesitation, I say, Peter: you're a prick."

In conclusion: Peter Piper was a fucking prick who couldn't pick one pickled pepper if he tried.

(In my next essay, I will approach the controversy of Thomas A Tattamus and those two tall Ts. One topic you may care to debate amongst the comments: What on earth is a tup?)

UPDATE! - If you are interested in investigating this subject further, please consult the following organisations:

Practical Pepperage (the PP)

Practically Perfect Pepper Pickers International (the PPPPI, not to be confused with the Perfectly Practical International Pepper Pickers)

Patrick, Perpugilliam, and Petronella, Pepper People, Specialising in Potted Purple Pickled Peppers (PPPPPSPPPP)

*Who is a pretty Penny.