Monday, February 27, 2006

Some Excuses You Might Like To Give Your School Teacher For Not Completing Your Homework

1. I tripped on the stairs to my house and when I got up again I found I had Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. I just couldn't finish my homework! Every time I reached into my bag to get it, the image of those stairs welled up in my mind, and I was so afraid!

2. 'Homework', so called is an outdated term implying a bourgeoise nineteenth-century capitalist/worker dichotomy. We don't have to be bound by these archaic paradigms anymore!

3. I was going into my bedroom to get a pen to do my homework, but then I realised: in order to go into my bedroom, I am first going to have to walk half of the way to the bedroom; and in order to walk half of the way to the bedroom, I'm going to have to walk half of that distance again, and again, and again, and so on, into infinity. I realised that this was an impossible task, and that motion did not really exist.

So I went into the loungeroom and watched a cartoon instead.

4. I am religious. I am allowed to do homework on any day that is not Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Oh, and Thursday is ruled out as well. All the other days are fine.

5. Tragically, I was struck down with Alzheimer's Disease at an early age, and couldn't remember to do my homework. I trust that you will recognise and support my disability in the difficult months and years to come.

6. An anomaly in the space-time continuum caused a black hole to open up just under my desk as I was finishing my report on quasars. I was barely able to escape, but my homework, alas, was lost. Lost, I tell you!

7. Let us examine what you mean by 'Homework'. If by 'Homework' you mean 'Work' done at 'Home', then we must ask two more questions: what is 'work', and what is 'home'? 'Work' I take as meaning a 'physical labour', and 'home' as meaning 'a place of residence'. I will consider each of these terms one by one ... (etc, etc)

8. The dog ate my homework and before I could retrieve it a family of starving North Koreans ate my dog.

9. I couldn't do my homework. I was getting a brain transplant at the time because my oedipus complex wasn't working properly.

10. I didn't do my homework because I'm going on strike. I refuse to work until I am paid a reasonable wage!


JPW said...

Homework to me is like tax to Kerry Packer. Not only should I be exempted for it, but you should all praise me for doing so.

Okay, that one sucked. But others I could possibly conjure up would be pretty good, I'm sure.

TimT said...

It's hard! I had trouble taking this up to ten ...

Email: timhtrain - at -

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