History Lesson Number 1: The Sandwich of Earl

According to popular legend, the sandwich was invented by the Earl of Sandwich one day when he did not wish to leave the gambling table and directed his servants to make him a snack between two slices of bread.
This charming apocryphal tale has only one problem: it is not true.

History, in fact, tells us quite a different story: it was the Sandwich that invented the Earl.
The Sandwich in question was a Ham and Goats Cheese Sandwich on Rye Bread, and it came from a long line of Rye Bread sandwiches. It was even related on its mothers side to the famous Lamb-on-Rye-Bread Sandwich of Nottingham.
This Sandwich was a clever piece of food, and was known in all the important social circles. It was friends with Alexander Pope, Dr Johnson, and Boswell.
Every day at lunch, however, it always found itself becoming rather lonely; for, while Dr Johnson and Boswell had to go off to find themselves a meal, being a piece of food itself, the Sandwich had nothing to do.

There and then, the Sandwich resolved to make itself an Earl for a lunchtime companion. Announcing its plans to a gathered crowd of scientists, lawyers, and sandwiches, the Sandwich retired to its workshop.
Exactly one week later at lunchtime, the Sandwich emerged from its workshop and unveiled the Earl before a wondering crowd of onlookers and sandwiches.

Unfortunately, it seems that the tale here takes a tragic turn; for the Earl - being by nature a Glutton - took up the Sandwich and ate it. In his defence, it was lunchtime.
The Earl further went on to disgrace himself by eating two more Ham and Goats Cheese on Rye Bread sandwiches before winding up with a marmalade and butter on pumpernickel sandwich. It was one of the most terrible massacres of sandwich history, and is recorded in several of the history books.

It was at this point that the sandwich community conceded to themselves that maybe they had bitten off more than they could chew, or at least they would have conceded this if it was not an entirely inappropriate metaphor.
Therefore, it was not until several decades after that the Burgers of Boston rose up in revolt against their British oppressors that sandwiches across the world were liberated ...