Sunday, December 03, 2006

A Moral Dilemma of the Gravest Proportions

I was sitting on the Sandringham train by the window with my left foot reclining on my right knee. When there's nobody else sitting beside me, I like to use all the space that I've got. Yes, I'm a lazy selfish sod. Well, on comes this family - a father, and three little kids (two boys and one girl), and I fold my legs back into normal position, both feet sitting on the floor. The father sits down beside me with the little girl on his lap. The two little boys sat opposite their father, on the one seat.

I figured that I must have intimidated the smaller of the two boys. His brother started to push him and tell him to move over, but he refused to.

What, in these circumstances, should I have done?

a) Speak to the kid in a friendly voice and ask him if he'd like to move over?
(Drawback: he might take it the wrong way and punch me.)

b) Try to make friends with him by offering him one of my chips, and then asking him to move over?
(Drawback: his father might think the chips were poisoned and punch me.)

c) Assume it was none of my business (which I guess it wasn't) and do nothing. Let them sort it out for themselves.
(Drawback: a little rude. I should at least try to get along with them.)

I took option c). Reader, what should I have done?

PS I was off to see 'Keeping Up With The Steins', and despite the reviews, it was actually very good. To give you something of the flavour, here's a few of my favourite quotes:

- "What is this - Queer Oy for the Straight Goy?"

- "I think I'm really blooming, don't you?" (from cheeky 12 year old girl to stuttering 12 year old boy at a Bar Mitzvah)

- "Joe's Butchers - you can beat our prices, but you can't beat our meat!"

- "What is this - Fiedler on The Roof?"

- "Holy shit!"


Caz said...

You could have taken option -

(d) casually move seats, or go and stand in a doorway for a bit, and let the family members have all four seats, thus removing any distress involved in having to knock knees or elbows with strangers and other people’s spawn.

Of course, I'm fond of option -

(e) be deliberately snarky and curmudgeonly when families take over, with full expectation that I should move my small frame into an even smaller slot than physically possible. In those instances, I take up as much room as my bags and body can muster at short notice.

TimT said...

I'm fond of option e), but I don't usually do that on kids. Then again, the little girl came and sat opposite me and subsequently kicked me because she said I was 'laughing at her', so d) may have been the safest option.

Caz said...

Oh my gawd - one of the sprogs kicked you AND spoke to you??!!

Have you showered and scrubbed?


What is public transport coming to?

TimT said...

I know! But if it had been a bogan kicking me and shouting at me, no-one would even think it odd! What is this world coming to?

treespotter said...

i would've put my heavy villain voice and told them off and do the evil laugh.

depending how scary the dad is really.

Rachy said...

I would have given him an evil glare, one of those "I'm an adult" evil glare. It generally scares kids senseless.

I saw the trailer for the film. Hilarious. I loved the Titanic bit. I'm definitely going to have to see this one. After Borat.

TimT said...

It's grouse. Well worth seeing. Margaret and David trashed it, but I. Don't. Care!

As to giving the kid an evil glare and using evil villain voice, it's true, these things can be done - but one must use these powers sparingly!

Dr Evil said...

Use the Rachy stare, make no body movement, then ask them politely "what the fuck is their major malfunction?"

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