Sunday, December 10, 2006

A Moral Poem To Bad Little Boys and Girls

This poem is for Mish, who recently noted her cynicism about the festive season.

This Christmas, little dears,
The news is rather bad, I fear.
I'm very, very sad to say
You'll get no gifts on Christmas Day.
You're not on Santa's List at all,
For Santa doesn't exist at all ...

It's not that he just up and died,
It's just - he always was a lie
To keep you little brats in line -
But now he's gone ... and things are fine ...

So children, I really couldn't care
What you shout or scream or swear.
So jump and howl and yell and bawl:
Get into fucking massive brawls!
Smash the windows! Kick the chairs!
Throw the china down the stairs!
Throw the TV through the hall
And kick your brother in the balls!

When that's all done, set up a shrine
To Ereshkigal by the washing line:
You can burn your Aunty Gladdys as a sacrifice.
(If that don't work, then burn her twice ...)

Yes! Now that Santa's dead and gone,
Now that Santa ne'er was born,
Be as the Children of the Corn:
       That's my advice.


Mark said...

Well Merry Fucking Christmas to you too, Tim, you bloody c***!


Where's me fucking bike??

TimT said...

Merry bloody Christmas to you, Mark. Yer bike's in the fucking mail, yer bloody yank! Struth!

Mark said...

Well it must be a bloody small bike!

Why the fuck am I talking like you lot?? I've been hanging around Rachy and Rebecca too long. Or not long enough!


Anonymous said...

LOL, that was fantastic. Any event that involves kicking people in the balls is always brilliant, especially through the medium of rhyme. I think you should get a job as a card writer, I think you'd have a lot of business with poems like this one.

TimT said...

Strangely, I used to get spam from a website called 'SERIAL BALLBUSTERS', promising me pictures of 'WOMEN PUNCHING MEN IN THE BALLS!' Best spam I ever got, really. But OUCH! As if I'd actually watch videos like that ...

Anonymous said...

Hahahaha, there are some deprived people in the world. The things that are available for public viewing amaze me all the time.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of kicking men in the balls, I would pay good money for a Woman to kick me in the balls

Email: timhtrain - at -

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