Thursday, September 27, 2007

Caution: this jar may contain traces of mastodons

In this video posted on LP, creationists argue that peanut butter disproves the theory of evolution.

"If the theory of evolution is correct," says an important-looking man wearing an important-looking tie, "When energy strikes this jar of peanut butter, it should, occasionally, produce new life. But look! No life! And aren't you glad?"

The LPers can mock all they like, but this is serious. Since accepting the theory of evolution in Australia, we could have put ourselves in grave danger. Millions of households across the nation contain jars of peanut butter, and who knows what new life forms they could be harbouring? You could go to make your kids a peanut butter sandwich for school, and a tiger could leap out at you! Wouldn't you feel silly then? And yet, if you'd accepted the theory of creationism and intelligent design like millions of safety-conscious Americans, you'd be in the clear!

Does your peanut butter contain this? If so, consult your local priest and nutritionist immediately.

Clearly, there are many things in the world that science is unable to explain. Think about that next time you buy a jar of peanut butter - evolutionist!


nailpolishblues said...

I'd be quite pleased if one of my condiments turned into a cat. It would be nice to have a pet again.

TimT said...

Maybe if you pray very hard, God will spontaneously create a feline for you out of the soy sauce, ex nihilo.

nailpolishblues said...

Oh dear, I suspect that belief in god is something of a prerequisite in this scenario. Still...

I wonder if soy sauce would make an asiatic cat.

Caz said...

I'd very much like to own a Cavalier King Charles puppy.

Does anyone know which food stuffs I should buy and how long it will take for my puppy to make itself known?

Also please advise if I need to do anything special with the recommended food stuffs (no, not that you pervert!), and whether best refrigerated or maintained on a "pantry" shelf.

nailpolishblues said...

Probably best to leave it in front of a heater, Caz. Only mould grows in fridges.

I had a dream about King Charles II the other night. Most enlightening. He may have been helping make something but not a spaniel.

TimT said...

You should blog about it.

That's right, I have no imagination.

nailpolishblues said...

I didn't think anyone needed imagination when it comes to Charles II. Go on, guess what happened in it [and not to me either][not that I wanted syphilis but, you know..].

TimT said...

So Nell Gwynn ws in your dream as well?

nailpolishblues said...

No, just a random chick who was walking by who had a brief moment of misunderstanding and was rather hasty in removing her clothing. Charlie is/was an opportunist. Apparently.

TimT said...

That sounds like an interesting type of misunderstanding.

Did you ever hear the 18th-century hit song 'Charlie is My Darling'? Granted, it was written about Bonnie Prince Charlie, but the words apply rather well.

TimT said...

Actually, what type of misunderstanding would lead to a person taking their clothes off?

- "I like your hat."
- "Oh, silly me! Look what I left on!"

- "I support the French!"
- "And I the Scots!"
- "Goodness me, I can see we are going to have quite the disagreement over this. I'd better take these off."

nailpolishblues said...

Well, think of it like this 1) it was a dream 2) Charles II was notorious for his amatory pursuits. So if, in a dream wherein Charles II was a principal and someone happens to misinterpret what he was saying to, oh, an advisor or somebody, you have the perfect situation for a lass to totally misunderstand, think she's caught the eye of the king and, in thinking that she's caught the eye of the king, assume the position - so to speak.
As to the word that he addressed to his advisor, well, I suspect that were of a political nature. You know how sexy politics can be.

Wasn’t it obvious? Sheesh.

And, no, I’ve not heard the song but now I may need to.

Mark said...

Can you make a naked babe with huge tits jump out of my jam jar?


TimT said...

Mark, Aussie scientists are working on it right now.

Email: timhtrain - at -

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