Friday, June 27, 2008

My day, experienced as a series of mathematical equations

1) On the time spent making a sandwich for work.

T > t

T = The time spent making the sandwich for work, t = The time the bus arrives on which one is supposed to get with the sandwich that one has made for work. Clearly, T is greater than t.

2) On the amount of food I put on my sandwich.

F > f

Here, F is the amount of food I have actually put on my sandwich, and f is the amount of food I SHOULD put on my sandwich to prevent it overflowing. Here, F is clearly greater than f. (Not to mention s = Sandwich)

3) On the likelihood of tomatoes sploshing on the keyboard.

(p + 5): 100 = 1:1, therefore, p = 95.

In this equation, the unknown variable, p, is the probability that when I unwrap my sandwich at work, a big fat juicy slice of tomato will fly out from my sandwich and splosh face down on my keyboard. From the equation above, we can see that this is pretty bloody likely indeed.

4) Amount of time spent in procrastination at work as an exponential curve:

Here, the vertical axis stands for 'time spent procrastinating', while the horizontal axis stands for 'time of day'.

5) Amount of comments left on blogs while at work:

a = 2b2 + 16c3 - 17d - 4 + n.

a = Amount of blog comments left at work, b = Idle passing whims, c = My propensity to become involved in online arguments, d = The disturbing but increasingly frequent feeling I have at work that someone might be creeping up behind me, and n = an arbitrary, whole number integer.

6) The likelihood of having an excellent day at work:

l = 5/1000i

Here, l equal to the probability that the manager will ask me into his office and offer me a $10 million a week pay rise, after tax; and i = The square root of minus one, an impossible figure - ie - pretty fucking impossible.

7) The power relationships between people at work, expressed as a simple-to-follow flow chart.


colonel eggroll said...


Finally a real life use for all those stupid algorithms!

colonel eggroll said...

(No offense to any math enthusiasts out there!) :)

Caz said...

Yet you shared nothing of your morning ablutions, other than the sandwich thing.

A shower, shave, teeth cleaning, arrange hair equation would have lifted this to an above average post.

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