Yet another further further fable for our time

The constant bird

There once was a constant bird who was known near and far for his unwavering commitment to the dull routines of life. His other bird friends would fly and frolic and frivol about in the forests, engaged in morning games or afternoon work or seasonable activities. They would urge him to be up with the early bird, to hark like the lark, to soar about the sky like an eagle, to fall in love with a dove, and even to ostentatiously strut about like the cock-of-the-walk (the cock-of-the-walk in fact held regular strutting lessons for the other birds willing to pay a small fee). In winter, migratory birds would urge him to fly south; in spring, the spring chickens would encourage him to come out and enjoy the spring; and in summer, other migratory birds would urge him to fly north. But no: this constant bird just wanted to stay inside and watch TV.

If truth were told, this bird did not have a very exciting life. He had tried internet dating for a while, but couldn't get on with the other birds. They all wanted to fly high or sing sweetly or catch insects in the tree or swim about on the pond or hold wingtip-to-wingtip and gaze endlessly into one another's eyes while making peculiar honking noises. They weren't really interested in sitting at home and watching TV, and consequently, the constant bird wasn't really interested in them. He was as unmoved by the pleas of his mother to find a nice girl and make a nest and raise a family of eggs as he was by ominous documentaries he sometimes saw on the nature channel about survival of the fittest.

One day, men came to the forest and bulldozed the land, and chopped down the trees, and drained the pond that the ducks swam in. All the larks and chats and ducks and twits and penguins and geese and pigeons had to move out and go on to welfare. The constant bird, however, was staying in his house as he usually did and watching another episode of Star Trek: Enterprise. He therefore did not hear about this great natural disaster until days afterwards. He caught a report on the news channel.

MORAL: The early bird catches the worm. The late bird catches the next episode of Oprah.