Friday, August 07, 2009

Advice for computer support staff

Computer support staff: when people in the office ask you to fix a problem that basically involves switching something on or plugging it in, tell them that the equivalator delivering negative protulance to the N2 and Z31 gates has been registering negative inflows, causing statistical imbalances in the flux capacitorial areas of the hardware leading to the software.

It's deceptive, it's untrue, it doesn't mean anything at all, but it'll make them feel so much better about forgetting to press a button. It'll also make you sound shit-hot smart.

It's the little things, folks, it's the little things.


Anonymous said...

So, it was a code 15 was it?

TimT said...

Isn't everything?

(Yes, I have no idea what you're talking about.)

Caz said...

With a sev level of 5, would be my guess, therefore a response time of three days and a restoration time of up to four weeks.

I'd suggest you make it sound more dire next time, even if the first question the service desk person asks you is: "have you checked that it's plugged in?".

Maria said...


I had a terrible dream last night that I started a new job (that wasn't the terrible bit but it could have been) and I had a blank keyboard. I mean, people, there were no letters or things on the keys. I decided to wing it and tried to type anyhow but I wasn't very good. I got madder at the keyboard and started pressing every bloody key combination harder and harder to no avail, faster and faster. No result!

Anyhow after very coolly making lots of mistakes and not knowing what the hell I was doing for about four hours I decided to cave in and ring tech and they said "MARIA! We've been waiting for you! Why haven't you called us earlier?"

I said, "How did you know I was going to call? By the way I've got this silly blank keyboard and it doesn't work and I don't know what keys do what ..."

They said, "Didn't you know that whenever you press one of the keys on those keyboards it automatically sends an email to tech saying "My keyboard is one of those blank ones that doesn't work, I will call you soon requesting a proper keyboard, please wait for my call?" We've been waiting all day for you to call!"


That was my dream, guys.

That's probably how tech at many workplaces works.

TimT said...

Bloody subconscious, it never lets up on us does it. Always some hidden anxiety coming to the fore. It'd be nice to have a nice dream for once. But noooo.

Caz said...

For real Maria?!

That's almost awesome.

Should inspire someone to produce a book of service desk nightmares.

Jeremy said...

I think the "flux capacitor" reference might give it away, though.

Computer Support said...

Good info. Thanks

jeniffer said...

I recently visited your blog ( found it quite interesting .I have website that has deals with the same subject. Therefore, exchanging content links with your blog i would help to generate traffic and gain maximum backlinks. If you are interested with my proposal please mail me at (

Best regards!

Anonymous said...


Email: timhtrain - at -

eXTReMe Tracker

Blog Archive