'What ho!' 'Pip pip!' 'Good show!' 'Whoopsa!' Just some of the many happy and cheerful calls that emanate from Plenty Road, the happy and cheerful little byway that runs happily and cheerfully behind our house. Well the calls are more like 'Arrrrrrrgh!' and 'Yeaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrgh!'*, but you get the idea. It's a happy and cheerful place to be all right, especially if you are doing, or rather being, on Plenty Road, at 1 or 2 or 3 o'clock on Saturday morning.
But the call that I just heard emanate from Plenty Road, about half an hour ago, took the cake, if the cake was made out of beer from the Plenty Road beer barn just down the, well, road.
'STUCK IN CLAG!'
Stuck in Clag, I thought? It is indeed concerning that you are stuck in Clag glue; I can certainly vouch for the fact that Plenty Road is not typically a place to feature Clag glue in copious quantities, certainly not enough to cause a grown woman to be stuck to the spot. Indeed it is a most curious, most anomalous incident, to be stuck in Clag glue on Plenty Road; I would tend to attribute the presence of Clag glue to a shopper, possibly a tram traveller who has dropped one or two of their glue-related items on the ground, doubtless while on their way home to begin an exciting craft project using glue. But enough Clag to cause you to be stuck in it? One would begin to suspect the presence of a sinister Clag factory, lurking in the background, waiting for you to perambulate by, whereupon said Clag factory would upend its contents onto you, the innocent passerby, thereby causing you to be riveted to the spot, as it were, and also, well, stuck. In Clag.
An obviously distressing incident, whatever it happened to be: so distressing, that, if I am not mistaken, I heard the unfortunate person whom this happening happened to happen to mispronounce her words, so that the 'ST' in 'STUCK' appeared to sound more like 'F' and the 'C' in 'CLAG' seemed to be said more like 'S', and the whole phrase, indeed, sounded less like 'STUCK IN CLAG' and more like...
Following this embarrassing misapprehension, I let the goodly woman cheerfully walking down Plenty Road continue walking cheerfully down it, and turned instead to Beatrice and attempted to teach her how to miaow in Chinese. It was not easy.
*Or variations on that theme involving the letters 'a', 'r', 'g', 'h', and 'y', and on rare occasions, one of the standard Mongolian plosives.
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
- ► 2016 (71)
- ► 2015 (106)
- ► 2014 (135)
- ► 2013 (173)
- ► 2012 (275)
- ► 2011 (261)
- The Age of Nefarious
- Be festy! Go to festivals!
- Brief record of my thoughts
- What did Chad ever do to deserve this?
- Proposed Herald Sun article
- Godwins Law sub-clause viii
- The parable of the polls
- Badly hung parliaments
- To do list
- Preponderant ponderings on matters of chronologica...
- Crime news
- The Tim Herald
- If Bram Stoker wrote the 2010 Australian election ...
- Toothpaste ruminations
- Location location location smash bang
- If Matthew Reilly ever wrote a novel about killer ...
- They always let you down
- Gluemy meditations
- Important information
- His beard was curly-whirly
- Cheering little tomes
- You're wearing my dress, bitch!
- Kitty Katter
- The moley sonnets, v. VIII, p. 109
- ▼ August (27)
- ► 2009 (290)
- ► 2008 (316)
- ► 2007 (392)
- ► 2006 (373)
- ► 2005 (287)