Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Factual factoids!

When squeezing into a tight place, everyone knows that making audible 'eeeeeee' noises while you are doing the squeezing facilitates the process. Similarly, when rising out of bed first thing in the morning, it is a widely attested fact that a series of short, rapid exhalations from the mouth - 'Oooh-booh-booh-booh-booh-booh' - make you quicker and more efficient, in the same manner as grease makes a wheel quicker and more efficient. And when you are getting into a hot bath: obviously you make the bath cooler by making short, punctuated syllabic barks, such as 'Ah! Ooh! Eh! Hah!' This is a very scientific process that has been measured in laboratories (or something like that), and there is even a scientific formula associated with the rate of cooling:

r = abd

Where r = rate of cooling, a = air temperature, b = amount of short, punctuated syllabic barks by person getting into bath, and d is an arbitrarily defined constant. (Very arbitrarily defined, since I don't know what it is.)

One more factoid for you: it is well known that if you have a cat sitting on your lap, you don't have to do anything for the rest of the day. You certainly don't have to go to work. Now, if only my lap could find one of our cats...

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Me person. Live in world. Like stuff. Need job. Need BRAINS! (DROOLS IN THE MANNER OF ZOMBIES) Ergggggh ...