First notes towards a historical study of toilet roll architecture

The origin of toilet roll towers is veiled in the mists of time. When did the first primitive peoples start using the toilet rolls that were left-over once all the paper had been taken off to make rudimentary constructions? What did the first towers, consisting of a mere two or three toilet rolls, signify? Were they a monument to the Gods? A technical experiment? A demonstration of the power of some local ruler? The more we delve into this matters, it seems, the less we know: if we are to accept that the Ancient Egyptian Pharaohs used the power of slave labour to erect their toilet roll pyramids, then how did they get all those slaves into the toilet? Like I said, it is veiled in the mists of time.

Today, toilet roll architecture stretches across the globe, and also into the Baron and Tim's bathroom. Who are the Baron and Tim anyway? What ancient secrets do they have linking them to the time of Sumer, when it is thought the first true toilet roll architectural guilds began? While we may never know for certain who Tim and the Baron are, it seems fairly clear that they live in Lalor and have a sizeable toilet roll tower in their bathroom. It is less clear just who is responsible for it: the Baron says Tim did it. Tim maintains the cats did it. The cats ignore me and lick their tails. Is there something I am not meant to know? During the whole of time I spent with this shy and vulnerable ancient tribe, although impressed by the resilience of their simple tribal ways, I never managed to get to the bottom of this question.

One thing is for certain: if you are thinking of making a toilet roll tower for yourself, make sure you do it away from the front of the toilet, lest someone going into the toilet should accidentally cause the tower to topple by shutting the door. Also, you might find that any cats or tigers that are around the house might like to play with the toilet roll tower. But was that one thing or two things? Alas, that is yet another question that we may never know the answer to in the still-developing science of toilet roll architecture. Let me just repeat three words: veiled, mists, time.