Thursday, December 02, 2004

Now Is The Summer of Our Discontent

Yesterday was the first day of summer, 1 December. It was shit: hot and windy and humid. Everything I hate about summer.
Today it was beautiful and cool; it was cloudy in the morning and there was drizzle until noon; I got water in my hair and on my clothes and in the pages of my book while I waited for the bus and I was loving it. The way summer should be.
Enough of this nonsense, I say. With the miracle of modern science, we should surely be able to ensure that Australians no more suffer from long, hot summer days, but instead benefit from endless cool weather. In short, I am proposing the introduction of a new ice-age. This could be achieved in several ways:

- we could pump vast amounts of sulfur into the atmosphere, which would have the effect of blocking out the hot rays of the sun and cooling our planet down;

- we could have a nuclear war, thus precipitating the onset of the once-feared nuclear winter;

- we could shift the planet several degrees away from the sun, thus negating its effects;

- or we could simply outlaw summer by an act of parliament

Frankly, I don't care how we do it. I just want it to happen. By 2100, I want to see icebergs floating down Hunter Street! I want to see wall-to-wall ice; the planet covered in a vast, flat white sheet, desolate, icily beautiful:

Ships sailorless lay rotting on the sea
And their masts fell down piecemeal; as they dropped
They slept on the abyss without a surge -
The waves were dead - the tides were in their grave;
The moon their mistress had expired before....

George Gordon, Lord Byron, Darkness

UPDATE - The Nerdling has the right idea. She's on her way to Antarctica, and after an initial bout of seasickness, has put up several beautiful posts about the trip.


The Flea said...

Too right Tim. Give me sleet and overcoats any old day.

What's with the English anyway? Colonising Australia and thinking Victorian Terraces are a bright idea. I swear -- my terrace is like the Sahara.

Fucking Poms!

Jeff said...

Are you mad? It's already too cold here in the Bay Area! We need global warming here NOW! Can't you go to New Zealand or something where they have mountains?


TimT said...

I suggest a compromise: localised Global Warming for the Bay Area, and Global Cooling for the rest of us.

I notice that there's a volcano in Washington which is currently pumping tons and tons of life-giving Sulfur Dioxide molecules into the atmosphere. If you could arrange to have that shipped over here forthwith, I'll see what I can do about moving the ozone hole from over Antarctica to over your state.

Email: timhtrain - at -

eXTReMe Tracker

Blog Archive