Friday, December 03, 2004

Stuttering Joyous Leaves

In preparation for the Bardfly's gig, I actually wrote two new poems (that's a lot for me). Only ended up performing one on the night - this one. It's for Dani, who inspired the poem with her comment about dyslexic atheists, below.

The Ontology of Dog

Praise DOG! the All-bitey,
Who hath bred our nation
Of Terrier, Beagle, Pointer, Chihuahua,
Poodle, Alsatian.

Praise DOG! the OmYipotent,
Who hath left his mark
On tree, lampost, shrubbery,
And bush in the park.

Yea, he hath given his Gospel
To all who can smell,
From backyard to backyard,
Kennel to kennel.

O DOG!, through the years,
Through the nights and the days,
I shall forever be barking
Hymns in thy praise!

O DOG! how I long
To walk by thee in heaven,
And feast for all time
On Good-O - and Devon.

Praise DOG! the All-bitey,
Who hath made our nation
Of Terrier, Beagle, Pointer, Chihuahua,
Poodle and Alsatian.

The second piece I wrote on the train on the way up, but didn't read it out because I didn't think it was good enough. It was called

Save the Planet

Stop Bush,
Save the whales,
Rescue the forests,
And end the patriarchal oppression of females!
Stop Global Warming
Plug the Ozone Hole
Smash Capitalism
End our rapacious quest for oil, gas, and coal!
KILL Hitler!
Show the Bourgeoisse Oppressors
That there is another way!
Find myself
Make love! not war!
Immediately make World Peace compulsory
Enact it in law!
Sing songs and hold hands!
Feel compassion
For all the oppressed-lesbian-chicken-third-world-
Vegan-victims of fashion!
And last but not least,
I'll SAVE THE EARTH! too -
But before I begin -

As you can see, I tried to cram every existing leftist cliche into 20-odd lines. Not entirely happy with the results, but there you go...


EvilPundit said...

I love Ontology of Dog!

The Flea said...

Can you please lower your intellect to the level of those who read the Daily Telegraph.

What's ontology?

TimT said...

Thanks Evil! There was another stanza in there originally:

"Oh DOG! who art faithful,
Loving, and kind,
How I long for the day
To sniff thy behind...

Flea - don't know about you, but I read the SMH. So my intellect is not just low, it's non-existent.
Ontology means - I think - 'existence'. Check out

The Flea said...

Aaww come on! If you don't read the Telegraph how else are you going to know whether the Scud has jilted Delta, or when those evil Arabs are going to rape your children??

Mmmm . . . Although I guess there's always Channel 10 for that.

TimT said...

"If you don't read the Telegraph how else are you going to know whether the Scud has jilted Delta"

Wha? When did this happen? They were ... they were so beautiful together. I think I'll go and cry...

" or when those evil Arabs are going to rape your children??"

I have children? How did the Telegraph know that? I didn't even know! Come to think of it, considering my sex life, they must have been making it up. Flattering, though!

Dani said...

That's fantastic! Who knew my commenting could inspire such creative genius?

Email: timhtrain - at -

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