Stuttering Joyous Leaves

In preparation for the Bardfly's gig, I actually wrote two new poems (that's a lot for me). Only ended up performing one on the night - this one. It's for Dani, who inspired the poem with her comment about dyslexic atheists, below.

The Ontology of Dog

Praise DOG! the All-bitey,
Who hath bred our nation
Of Terrier, Beagle, Pointer, Chihuahua,
Poodle, Alsatian.

Praise DOG! the OmYipotent,
Who hath left his mark
On tree, lampost, shrubbery,
And bush in the park.

Yea, he hath given his Gospel
To all who can smell,
From backyard to backyard,
Kennel to kennel.

O DOG!, through the years,
Through the nights and the days,
I shall forever be barking
Hymns in thy praise!

O DOG! how I long
To walk by thee in heaven,
And feast for all time
On Good-O - and Devon.

Praise DOG! the All-bitey,
Who hath made our nation
Of Terrier, Beagle, Pointer, Chihuahua,
Poodle and Alsatian.

The second piece I wrote on the train on the way up, but didn't read it out because I didn't think it was good enough. It was called

Save the Planet

Stop Bush,
Save the whales,
Rescue the forests,
And end the patriarchal oppression of females!
Stop Global Warming
Plug the Ozone Hole
Smash Capitalism
End our rapacious quest for oil, gas, and coal!
KILL Hitler!
RESURRECT CHE!
Show the Bourgeoisse Oppressors
That there is another way!
Find myself
Make love! not war!
Immediately make World Peace compulsory
Enact it in law!
Sing songs and hold hands!
Feel compassion
For all the oppressed-lesbian-chicken-third-world-
Vegan-victims of fashion!
And last but not least,
I'll SAVE THE EARTH! too -
But before I begin -
WHERE THE HELL'S MY TOFU???!!!???

As you can see, I tried to cram every existing leftist cliche into 20-odd lines. Not entirely happy with the results, but there you go...