Sunday, December 05, 2004

Ultra Apologies

Well, here's a group of Americans apologising on behalf of another group of Americans for electing another group of Americans who have actually done something practical about terrorism and Islamo-fascism.

Being sorry for something which you're not directly responsible for? It's a brilliant concept. Being sorry for another group which are not directly responsible for the something which has caused you to be sorry in the first place? Even brillianter. But being sorry for another group which are not directly responsible for a something which is not in itself a bad thing at all? It's genius, I tell you. Pure genius.

But I think, as an Australian, who has never left the country of my birth, I can go better....

I would therefore like to offer apologies on behalf of my fellow Americans. I would like to apologise for The Simpsons and Futurama and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which have brought joy to the hearts of millions. I would like to apologise for Thomas Edison and Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson. I would like to offer my heartfelt sorrow for ever having given the world Charles Ives, Aaron Copland, George Gershwin, Cole Porter, and Leonard Bernstein. And I am heart-cringingly rueful over having inflicted such diverse geniuses as Herman Melville, Edgar Allan Poe, J.D. Salinger, James Thurber and P.J. O'Rourke on the world. I am weeping and wailing and rending my hair at the very thought.

Actually, that's not nearly sorry enough. Why apologise on behalf of the real achievements of America? Why not apologise on behalf of their fictional achievements?

.... furthermore, I am feeling positively suicidal at having inflicted the awful BusHitler klone on the world. I am in absolute despair, in anguish, I tell you, for the AmeriKKKan empire which is in the process of subjugating the third world even as we speak. I'm sorry for ...

That's how sorry I am!


The Lioness said...

Weeeeell, so maybe I don't like you AS much as I thought I would... But no worries, different opinions enrich the world and all that, I'll read on.

TimT said...

I just find the idea of a bunch of folks apologising on behalf of another bunch of folks patronising. It's as if the people who set up the 'Sorry Everybody' website think they're the only Americans intelligent and virtuous enough to make a decision, and that everyone else is stupid.

Email: timhtrain - at -

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