... the current infestation of Austin-based singer-songwriters who continue to employ the overwrought phrase "I'm down on my knees!" and then rhyming it with "please" (but never "cheese") in their trite masterworks ...Country music singers, please take note. Your lame rhymes and cliched imagery has been brought to our attention. Since your artistic and, indeed, professional integrity may be brought into disrepute, I am willing, as a public service, to suggest a range of alternative rhymes.
LAME RHYME NO. 1.
I'm down on my knees
Instead of:
And begging you, please ...
The following will add a touch of class:
Can't I have some of that gorgonzola cheese?While there is just a hint of pathos in
AAAAAGH! I'm being attacked by killer bees!
Or then there is the gently whimsical:
I knew I should never have drunk that bloody anti-freeze.
LAME RHYME NO. 2.
Oh, please don't go away
Instead of:
I'm asking you today
Or,
I'm begging you to stay
Or indeed,
Oh honey babe, I pray
Why not:
Or indeed:
- I love you even if you're gay?
- I love you even if you're Che?
- I love you even if you do insist on wearing that beret?
I love your canapes?
LAME RHYME NO. 3
Last year, you broke my heartInstead of,
Though you said we'd never part
Why not add some interest to your song with an incisive political statement -
When you showed to me your macro-economic chart?
That's enough for the moment. Feel free to add more suggestions in comments ...
5 comments:
I prefer lyme rhames.
On considered reflection; that was an entirely worthless comment.
lovely, wonderful and lovely.
'sokay, Tony, this entire blog is a useless comment.
Now I'm going to have random country songs running through my head all day.
*Makes triangle with fingers*
Excellent. It's all falling into place. That was, of course, my evil plan all along. BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!
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