The Worlds in Plurals

People should use plurals more often. I am convinced it is the way to make the world a better place. I mean, it might seem like a silly idea, but consider this:

- A solitary friend would immediately become FRIENDS!

- A dollar would, with the simple addition of an 's', become DOLLARS!

- You could take one book and straight away turn it into several BOOKS!

Of course, the English language would have to be amended. No longer would we write sentences like:

Stacy went down the street to the school where she met her boyfriend, Jack

Instead, we would have to use sentences like this:

The Stacies went down, up, under, over, and through the streets to the schools, TAFES, Unis, and Colleges where they met their boyfriends, husbands, and exes, the Jacks.

A little confusing, but I'm sure we could learn to do it in time.

Indeed, with a liberal use of the letter 's', even fundamental matters of life and death would be changed. Our birth would become our births, and our life would become our lives. With an intelligent use of plurals in this fasion, I'm sure that we could find a way to infinitely prolong our existence, and ...

But wait a minute. There are some other things to consider:

- If you have a wife or husband, they would immediately become WIVES and HUSBANDS.

- You would not merely be a self, you would be several SELVES!

And even worse:

HATE would become HATES, PAIN would become PAINS, SICKNESS (bad enough on its own) would become SICKNESSES, and ... shudder... DEATH would become DEATHS!

No. Perhaps that would not be the way to go. But wait! I have another marvellous idea! What if, instead of needlessly adding things to the world with plurals, we took the things that were wrong away? Let's start with ... say ... the letter 'r':

- REVOLUTIONARIES would become mere 'evolutionaries', and no longer present a threat to the civil order of the world;

- Those tedious things, MORALS, could, by the simple deduction of a letter, become 'moals' - whatever they are.

But then again ...

- Those who DREAD would become - simply - dead;

- BREASTS would become beasts ...

- And - the cruellest irony of all - FRIENDS WOULD BECOME FIENDS!

Hmmm ... perhaps these ideas aren't so good, after all ...