Wednesday, May 21, 2008

So you say you're an accountant? Then account for yourself!

This piece, which recently ran on Sixty Minutes, says that DNA evidence indicates that all people living on the earth today are descended from a tribe of bushmen living in the Kalahari Desert. All very interesting, but quite out of date. More recent genetic, linguistic and cultural evidence all point to the one undeniable truth - that people all over the world today are related to an ancient firm of Box Hill accountants who over the millenia have peopled the world.

A typical specimen of the accountant race. Note the cranial size and the protuberant lips.

Until recent times, there have been many objections to the 'Accountancy' theory of human development. For instance, some biologists have argued that money didn't exist until several thousand years ago, which would have meant that the original accountants from which we have all descended would have been effectively out of a job before that. Well, yes. And you can imagine how depressed they all were. Why do you think there were so many wars?

Members of the accountancy tribe engaged in cultural activities. The one to the right is singing a folk song, that has been passed down from generation to generation of accountants, in invocation to one of the many powerful Gods of his tribe.

For millions of aeons, members of this Aboriginal accountancy tribe roamed the vast plains of Box Hill, hunting their natural prey of baked beans and cappucino, developing rudimentary tools specific to their needs, such as the 'pen', the 'laptop', and the 'microwave'. Although it's hard for us to understand, removed as we are from these accountants' way of life, their life must have been incredibly rich and varied, and there must have always been some sum to add up or set of books to complete. Tragically, it seems that members of this original Accountancy firm may be dying out, with no-one to replace them. The temptations of modern life, it seems, are too much.

However, when told that all people, all colours and creeds and ways of life, come from his firm of Accountants, the chief of the tribe nods his head humbly. "It makes sense," he says, in an obscure language that can only be understood by the people who speak it, known as 'English'. "People had to come from somewhere. Now. Can you please stand up? You're sitting on my calculator."

Such timeless wisdom!


Tim said...

I suppose one good thing about life originating in Box Hill is that it could only improve from there. (Says he whose life originated in, erm, Box Hill.)

Mitzi G Burger said...

I'm not so sure about this theory. Something about our collective descendancy from accountants just doesn't add up.

Alexis, Baron von Harlot said...

Did you hear about the constipated accountant? She worked it out with a pencil.

(Haw haw haw.)

TimT said...

Ungrateful wretches! I can hear the collective cry now: "Sure, Box Hill may be the cradle of humanity, but what else has it done for us lately?" Well, actually, I suppose that's a fair question.

But seriously. If we all got in touch with our inner accountant, then I think the world would be much better off.

Caz said...

Hey, I grew up in Box Hill: I don't recognise any of those accountants.

I demand DNA tests!

Oh, btw: there's no friggin' way that life started in Box Hill.

TimT said...

Yet another objection to the controversial 'Out of Box Hill' theory of human origins, I see...

Tim said...

Oh, btw: there's no friggin' way that life started in Box Hill.

Although walking through Box Hill at night one senses that life could very well end there.

TimT said...

Close enough...

Ann O'Dyne said...

I've been in Box Hill Hospital after a car crash - does that count?
I wonder how many Box Trees survive on The Hill?

I have a new blogpal who writes DNA software and he is a cool guy, please visit

Email: timhtrain - at -

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