The social pages: official opening ceremony held to great acclaim

THE OFFICIAL OPENING CEREMONY of the Timothy Train door, in Thornbury, Melbourne, was held today to great acclaim, with officials from all over the world attending. Speeches were read, bands played, and there was widespread jubilation as the dignitaries attending the event actually opened the door then proceeded inside.

Following the merriment and jubilation at the official opening of the Timothy Train door, universal mourning and sorrow was held at the OFFICIAL CLOSING CEREMONY. There was much talk of the good times had during the Official Opening of the Door, the going through the door, the thoughtful contemplation of the opening of the door and the contemplative thinking of the going through the door, all leading up to the sorrowful and melanchloy event that was the closing of the door. Following this, the door was actually closed.

The following is a selective list of some of the attendees at the official opening and closing ceremonies, including, but not limited to, all of them. They will be read out in alphabetical order:

Train, Tim

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An OFFICIAL OPENING CEREMONY for the Timothy Train cupboard door was to be held today in Thornbury, but the Official Opening Ceremony was closed before opening, due to the fact that the Timothy Train cupboard door that was due to be opened was in fact already open, and therefore there wasn't any need for an opening ceremony before the opening of the cupboard door to be opened.

Train briefly considered holding an OFFICIAL CLOSING CEREMONY and then closing the cupboard door, but he would have had to have held an OFFICIAL OPENING CEREMONY first of all. Otherwise the official closing ceremony would have been the opening ceremony, which seemed more than a little contradictory. He retired to consult the matter over with his public servants, of whom an all-inclusive, but by no means comprehensive, list follows:

Train, Tim

That is all.