Two poems inspired by blog comments

A tale of moulden times
For The Kingsley

I forged a blade of IRONY,
Of irony and gold; -
And it did gleam with mystic sheen,
A wonder to behold.

And with my sharp IRONIC blade,
I fell with savage force
Upon mine antient enemy
Without fear or remorse.

With angry lust, I carved its crust -
Its casements brave and bold:
Yea, I fell upon this barb'rous loaf
Like wolf upon the fold.

"Begone, foul fiend!" I shouted then,
Midst battle-din and strife;
And then - lo! - I did butter it,
With my IRONIC knife.

With buttering and battering,
I cut up chicken cold -
Crying "HOW ARE THE FLIGHTY FALLEN!"
I sheathed my blade so bold.

But woe betide that condiment,
Be it marmite, jam, or sauce
That challenge my IRONIC blade -
Or it shall feel its force.

I forged a blade of IRONY,
Of irony and gold; -
And it did gleam with mystic sheen,
A wonder to behold.

Substitute Cat (One cat T S Eliot forgot to write about)
For PC

Substitute Cat -
I'm the substitute cat -
For the child that wasn't -
For the couple that won't.

Substitute cat
That sits on the substitute mat
In the room in the swanky and semi-
affordable flat.

Substitute Cat -
I'm the Substitute Cat -
The might-have-that-isn't,
The will-do-but-don't.

Substitute cat
Is growing quite fat
When his owners don't look
He nibbles their hats,
Without even a thank you
Or may I or please -
His substitute life
Is all pleasure and ease.

Substitute Cat-
I'm the Substitute Cat -
For someone to have a second-hand sort of
Mumsy-and-Dadness
(Which Jellicoe Cat thinks
A quiet form of madness.)

Substitute Cat
He don't care at all -

Substitute Cat -
I'm the Substitute Cat...