Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Battle of wits

Folks, it was just me, my snack, and the rest of the office. It was my second day back at work, and as usual on such occasions, things quickly got ugly. I had been promising myself to save the snack for a few hours, you know, as a kind of treat. Well, this little transcription ought to show how that idea went:

SNACK sits on the desk, regarding TIM with a baleful eye.

TIM: (Loudly) What? (Looks around, seeing if anyone else in the office can hear him) What are you looking at?

SNACK: I know what you want.

TIM: (Leaning in) Nope. Not even thinking about it.

SNACK: Not even a little bit?

TIM: Stop it! Why do you always do this?

SNACK: Oh, but Tim (rolling its eyes). You're sooo hungry. I can just hear your stomach, rumbling.

TIM: Not. One. Bit.

SNACK: Feeeed me, Tim. Feeeeed meeeeee!

TIM: Please! I'm trying to concentrate on my work?

SNACK: Num num, Tim. Num num. Think of how good it would be...

TIM: ... to eat you? Is that what you want?

SNACK: I think that's what we both want, Tim.

Ten seconds later it was done. I think we both know who won that argument. It did taste good though.

Almost every day in the office it's the same thing. Why is it that you place four walls around me, and give me a set period of time, say, seven to eight hours, and a snack as something to help me get through the day, that I end up quarreling with the snack in the first hour, and eating it before the second hour is done? Is it despair at being stuck in the office? Is it the common lot of the office worker to gorge on their foods before the tea break is allowed? Would a hunter do the same thing, gorging on a feast before going out and slaughtering their prey, and thus proving their worth for society? What?

I don't know. I just know that if you place me in the proximity of anything sweet, in a familiar office, and leave me alone to do my work, within minutes, the crumbs will start flying.


nailpolishblues said...

Some of my colleagues manage to eat all day. I'm not sure how they don't end up feeling sick or get bored with eating but it does explain why I can't even get a couple of talk free minutes to eat that lolly that was gifted to me two hours ago...

Dan the VespaMan said...

Your only human Tim. With such flirty snacks in close proximity it's hard to not succumb to temptation.

TimT said...

I don't think it helps that there's a sweets machine on our floor. The minute I dispense with one snack, the sweets machine starts calling out over the office, 'O Tim! Ti-im! Come to me! You need fattening up!'

Meredith said...

I used to work with two gals who bit diagonally-opposite corners off their tim tams and then dipped them into cups of milky, sugary Nescafe, using the tim tams as 'straws' until they became too soggy at which point they'd slurp the whole thing up. Tim tam after tim tam, coffee after coffee, year after year...

Martin Kingsley said...

What kind of snack was it?

TimT said...

Apple crumble!

TimT said...

They sell them in little round pats just down the street from work.

Email: timhtrain - at -

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