Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Reading is dangerous for your health

Not one, not two, but three people reading on the train going in to work this morning. And that's not counting the guy reading over the other guy's shoulder.

Clearly, I thought to myself, something should be done about the dangers of passive reading. Before nothing is done. And that's just something we cannot allow to happen.

Of course, the 'facts' tell us that passive reading harms no-one. Those involved in the reading and writing industry - people commonly known as 'readers' and 'writers' - will justify their habit by saying reading is a pleasant, even healthy, leisure activity. But it's not the self-harming activities of readers that concerns me here, it's the side-effects of reading, and the dangerous and possibly toxic fumes of literacy and culture that pollute the atmosphere, making things difficult and quite possibly unhealthy for the rest of us.

You might say that this is ridiculous, that passive reading is a made up condition. But then again, what untold damage could one stray sentence do? You never know about the things that you don't know about, and so you'd just better be careful, that's what I say. Besides, we don't say that 'passive aggression' or 'passive smoking' are made up, do we? No sir-ee.

Clearly, the dangers of passive reading ought to be investigated, at great length, by me, with a good deal of taxpayers money to help me in my researches. Ten thousand dollars, please.

Reading is dangerous for your health, folks. Seriously.


Steve said...

Tim, have you passively read about what I've read last year over at my blog? I'm always curious as to your opinion if you have read any of the same.

Mitzi G Burger said...

The Department deems your research methods innovative and exacting for the benefits of public health and hereby awards you the cost of a Penguin mini paperback to further your data collation. Sincerely, Passive Bureaucrat.

Anonymous said...

The 10 grand is in the mail.

Bernie M.

TimT said...

Were it not that I know you are of an open and honest and trustworthy disposition, Mr Bernie M, I would suspect you of trying to upstage Mslle Burger's most generous offer of a Penguin mini paperback...

Maria said...

J. D. Salinger died.

Writing is bad for you.

I bet he read some, too.

Email: timhtrain - at -

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