Reading is dangerous for your health

Not one, not two, but three people reading on the train going in to work this morning. And that's not counting the guy reading over the other guy's shoulder.

Clearly, I thought to myself, something should be done about the dangers of passive reading. Before nothing is done. And that's just something we cannot allow to happen.

Of course, the 'facts' tell us that passive reading harms no-one. Those involved in the reading and writing industry - people commonly known as 'readers' and 'writers' - will justify their habit by saying reading is a pleasant, even healthy, leisure activity. But it's not the self-harming activities of readers that concerns me here, it's the side-effects of reading, and the dangerous and possibly toxic fumes of literacy and culture that pollute the atmosphere, making things difficult and quite possibly unhealthy for the rest of us.

You might say that this is ridiculous, that passive reading is a made up condition. But then again, what untold damage could one stray sentence do? You never know about the things that you don't know about, and so you'd just better be careful, that's what I say. Besides, we don't say that 'passive aggression' or 'passive smoking' are made up, do we? No sir-ee.

Clearly, the dangers of passive reading ought to be investigated, at great length, by me, with a good deal of taxpayers money to help me in my researches. Ten thousand dollars, please.

Reading is dangerous for your health, folks. Seriously.