Saturday, March 12, 2011

Groundbreaking ideas for new 24 hour businesses

Devon 11
This would be designed to cater to the wide and growing market for Devon sausage across Australia. With a Devon 11 on every street corner of towns and cities, you need never go without a Devon again! All varieties of it will be found on the shelves, including Devon, Fritz, German Sausage, Polony, Luncheon Meat, Belgium, Rokeby Roast, or Rubber Meat. Other, more exotic treats will also be available, such as Devon sandwich - with or without sauce. Also, the possibility of Devon slushies and other Devon-based drinks could be examined, as well as a range of brand-name instore icecreams - (working name, 'Devonly Delights').

ABC Booze 24
This cut price retail liquor outlet would service two distinct needs in the community - the need for pissed bastards to get pissed, and the need for pompous gits to be pompous. By joining the alcohol service in one company - the much-loved dear old 'Auntie' ABC - we can hopefully achieve a sustainable and profitable business model that adds to the ABC's growing retail arm. Plenty of pissed bastards would use the business, and plenty of ABC commenters/reporters pompous gits would feel free to comment on the pissed bastards getting pissed. A number of exciting cut-price deals and cross-sponsorship opportunities are possible (Q&A drinking game - 50 per cent off wine for every half hour of Jon Faine endured by a listener - occasional live shows in which ABC pompous gits get to hector random pissed bastards or soon-to-be pissed bastards buying liquor in store - seasonal half-price liquor sales giving ABC pompous gits opportunity to rant and rave about need for price controls, etc).


Carolyn Cordon said...

devon 11, what a catchy name. Have you ever worked in advertising? You have such insightful and catchy ideas you'd be the king of krap in advertising!

Caz said...

ABC Booze 24 - don't know if I'd buy the bottles, but I think I'd buy the DVD boxed set.

Mitzi G Burger said...

I'm in favour of a 24 hour academic bookshop wine-bar where structuralists can spend insomniac nights arguing with post-structuralists.

TimT said...

Carolyn - Advertising schmadvertising. I can never sound as if I believe in things I don't believe it, and can never bring myself to be enthusiastic about a product that is really nonsensical. I prefer just wild extravagant lying as a pasttime. And, for some reason, do quite enjoy making up fake ads. Though thanks!

Caz - and you can use the boxed set for stashing away your own bottles, thanks Aunty ABC!

Mitzi - Hic, sounds sic!

Email: timhtrain - at -

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