Friday, March 25, 2011

Smashulosity: a Friday meditation

If I were one of those people responsible for driving around in titanic and cavernous trucks – and I don’t see why I couldn’t be – and pulling those big trucks up into dirty back alleys between warehouses, and throwing behemothian objects into the caverns of those aforesaid cavernous trucks, then you know what? I’d choose a job where I got to throw the most gigantic, metallic objects possible, that would clank and rattle and roll around in the back of those trucks. And also with little bits of glass and screens and other things that would satisfyingly break into thousands of satisfying little pieces, and make extremely satisfactory tinkling noises, every which way. Yes, I definitely would judge each of the objects I threw by the thuds and the clumps and the clunks and the smashes they were likely to make, and angle each throw for maximum thuddage and clumping and clunklishness and smashulosity.

And one more thing: I definitely, definitely would choose to do such a job in a back alley immediately right behind a building where people were listening to bits of audio. And attempting to accurately make textual transcripts of those little bits of audio. And I would wait right until the moment when they were attempting to decipher the most difficult paragraphs in the most poorly recorded audio, and then I would joyously and triumphantly heave those behemothian objects into the back of my cavernous truck. And continue doing so for the next half hour.

If I were one of those people, that is definitely how I would go about doing things.

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