Let us pause to consider Onan.
He is the individual, mentioned in Genesis, who is singled out for the crime of 'spilling his seed'. In other words, Onan spanked the monke; he slapped the salami; he pulled the one-eyed trouser snake.
In short, Onan was a wanker: Onan is, in fact, one of the first recorded historical instances of a wanker. What is so unfortunate, in Onan's case, is that this is his only recorded historical deed. Imagine what effect this must have on his descendants! Would the House of Onan even dare to mix with polite company? The masturbatory tendencies of their elder patriarch and founding father may be in some sense reprehensible, but is it fair that the 'Sins of the Fathers be visited upon the sons/daughters'? Surely not!
Horrible crimes have been committed through history. The Old Testament records with vigour and clarity many of these crimes, and the retribution and judgment exacted against the individuals who have committed these crimes. But surely it is an exaggeration to say that Onan ranks, in his crime, alongside the devotees of Baal, for instance, who were said to sacrifice children to their cruel and maleficient Lord!
It is time to wipe the slate clean. Ladies and gentlemen, on this morning, I ask you to consider Onan. And to forgive.
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12 comments:
Indeed, Onan could be considered the first recorded instance of using a form of contraception. Considerate rather than wasteful. More hero than wanker.
I wondered about that. The Bible - or at least the translation we have - doesn't actually specify how Onan spilled his seed, whether it was through the 'old five handed widow', or through other means - ie, original sexual positions. He may not have even been a wanker. Onan lucks out again!
I have no problem with that, he obviously enjoyed it...more power to him, not enough recorded instances in history of people enjoying themselves!!! Onya Onan!
(possibly literally onya too :P )
He was born approximately three thousand years before his time. In today's liberal day and age, he would be a happy chappy.:(
Yeah, I was listening to hack last year and there was a story about a masturbation only club in Melbourne.
Onan would be a perfect mascot for them would he
Gah. Really?
I bet they live in Fitzroy!
Egads! Here they are!
http://www.home.aone.net.au/~melbournewankers/home.html
They're not Fitzroy based, they're closer to St Kilda.
Onan was really years ahead of his time.
The hand accepts you for what you are. The hand loves.
(.... I can't believe I am typing this!)
Shut up, shut up!
With a name like Splatterbottom ... the mind boggles ...
Have you had a look at the links?
The Mexcian Milkers Club
The New York jacks
and they use grapeseed oil
sounds to me like onan and bacchus were both in on this one
hot body to hand to hot body to hand
to hand cream
And when the job's done, they shake hands? Left hands, obviously ...
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