Pretty Flowers

This is Mr John Arg.



He is a flower deranger.

You disgusting flower! You make me sick, you really do! You think you're so good, but ooh! Look, your petal is lopsided! You won't amount to anything - not even a vase by the window! And DON'T YOU WAVE YOUR STAMEN AT ME! You call yourself a daisy? You're pathetic!



You think you're a lily? Really? You stupid, stupid weed. You're not a lily - you're just a lowly, limp little buttercup! Haven't you heard those voices in your head, those voices of doubt, telling you that you're not supposed to be here?
Listen to them, you pathetic little buttercup! Listen to them!



Hey, you! Yeah, you - you hibiscus, sitting there! Look at me when I'm talking to you! You see those snapdragons hiding in amongst the clover, over there? Well, they're out to get you! Yeah! They're going to rip you to shreds, petal by petal! You must STOP them, hibiscus - STOP them before it's too late!



The Results:



There are now flower-deranging academies, societies, and clubs in many Australian cities. It is a simple yet rewarding past time for the whole family.

Just remember not to be nice to a flower. It's very difficult to derange them when they're happy.