Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Possible Characters for Novels #3

Horace Greely Lampington Urglemurg

The most interesting thing about Horace Greely Lampington Urglemurg (of the House of Urglemurg) is his name. In fact, the only interesting thing about him is his name. So much so, that one day, he decides that - in order to become a more interesting person, who is more likely to attract friends and be invited to impressive parties where he will meet fascinating people - is to get rid of everything else and only keep his name.
So he sells his brain on ebay and markets out his bodily organs to contractors on the Asian subcontinent. He lets somebody else have his job, his parents, his wife, and his children; and he even puts his shadow and his reflection on sale at a cheap second-hand store run by a shift-looking old man wearing, it seems, nothing but hessian bags with buttons on them.
Everything goes well for a while. Horace Greely Lampington Urglemurg is invited to no end of impressive parties, attended by any amount of fascinating people. Even if he is only available in name only, he still enjoys going. Then everything goes wrong: he meets a beautiful woman called Chloe Flowey who he realises he has fallen in love with; but she tells him that she will only become an Urglemurg in marriage to him if he has something more to show than a name.
Frantically, he spends the next weeks searching for his lost body parts, parents, children, (but not his wife: she has become a very important President of a very large country, and doesn't want anything to do with him), reflection, and shadow; but all have been sold - except his shadow. He hastily purchases this shadow and rushes back to the next party - only to find the fuckly Miss Flowey in the arms of another man ...

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Me person. Live in world. Like stuff. Need job. Need BRAINS! (DROOLS IN THE MANNER OF ZOMBIES) Ergggggh ...