Our beautiful city, famed for its graffiti and taglines all over the world is being defaced!
Look closely: and please don't be shocked. Behind this seemingly innocent graffiti is a 'building', produced by a local 'architect'. 'Architecture' is a growing problem in our cities...
An exclusive survey by the WTFF Daily has revealed that roaming gangs of hoods calling themselves 'architects' or 'developers' have been putting up buildings behind our once pristine edifices of graffiti and taglines.
One upset graffitist has claimed to the media, "Before I just had the words 'John Howard, Fuck U!' sprayed in mid-air. Then along came one of these thuggish 'architecture' kids and just had to put a gigantic wall up behind the words. I actually caught him in the act, and cornered him and asked him why he was doing it. He said, he was just looking for something for the words to rest on. He said he was afraid they might fall down. The nerve!"
Another graffitist revealed to us, "I was just putting the finishing touches to a set of brilliant graffiti tags; my masterpiece, I liked to think of it. Line after line of pure poetry: 'SHAZZA SUCKS DAZZAS COCK!', 'U R A DICKHEAD!' and - my personal favourite 'GET FUKKED FROM ME TO U!' And then what happens? This train turns up from nowhere and all the words fall down on it! Who let trains into this beautiful city? They're getting in the way of our wonderful culture of graffito!"
A Concerned Sergeant
Police are increasingly concerned about the growing numbers of these self-styled 'architect' gangs.
"We need to get the message out there," claimed Senior Sergeant Bidwell Bangs, of the Camberwell Police Force. "Architecture is vandalism - pure and simple. Why, how would you like it if someone came and whacked a great big building in the middle of YOUR graffiti? Huh?"
A View From The Inside
While there are claims that a culture of juvenile delinquency, low employment rates in the suburbs, the spread of counter-cultural 'classical' music, and the prevalence of drugs and crime have led to the current problem of architecture, our sources inform us that there is also a new type of 'Architecture' culture developing.
Interviews with an unnamed member of an inner-city 'Architects' group gives us fresh insights into the culture of this group.
"It's all about the buildings, man," claims the 'architect'. "We just want to make things for us to live in - it's a fusion of form and function... just tell the pigs to get off our backs, hey?"
The unnamed 'Architect' agrees that he does get a thrill out of 'developing' buildings and town squares late at night. "Yeah, it's cool to get away with that. It's a rebellion against civilised society, man. Or something."
A spokesperson for the Melbourne Youth Drop In centre agree. "Look, these kids are basically alright," she says. "They've proven they have talent by putting all these buildings up. I have every confidence that they'll grow out of this phase and go on to produce many lasting works of graffiti, all over the place."
We hope she's right.