"C___ F___ shows her Second Life persona.... She built a virtual home but wasn't happy with her neighbour." - LA Times, Thursday, February 22, 2007.
Xalquod the 4th Speaks:
She wasn't happy with me? Well! She's got a nerve! Let me tell you, when I first came here, this was a nice little corner of virtual reality - a peaceful cyberplace where you could raise your cyber-children, grow a little cyber-garden, and they had a happy little cyber-Fairy-party every Sunday.
It was when C___ moved in that things really started going wrong. She seemed pleasant and polite, but I really started getting suspicious when she began to hold virtual battles with Klingons and Cardacians at odd hours of the night. I mean, there is a time and place for that kind of thing - not here, and not now! Of course, I had a word with her straight away about that. She apologised and promised to keep things quiet; and we were happy for about a month.
But then, quite suddenly one night, I was woken up at midnight, and found that my neighbour was firing a multi-nuclear warhead, with inbuilt biological warfare capacities, right into the living room of myt house! It was a good thing I had just that week had an Ultra-cyber-shield installed, or things could have got really ugly.
I'm a firm believer in peace and goodwill: so the very next day, I went over to C___'s virtual house with a box of chocolates and a 'Let's Be Friends' card. Not only did she refuse to let me in, she told me that "She had declared War on my evil empire and was determined to end my reign by the use of Fire, Flood, Famine, Pestilence, Death, and Hacking." It was intolerable!
Later that afternoon, when I logged on again, I discovered that she had sent a legion of Undead Zombies to my house and they were in the process of eating my brains! It was just like the old days, when I used to comment on left-wing blogs!
I'm absolutely fed up with this. I've tried to explain to my neighbour, repeatedly, that this is a Virtual Utopian community, dedicated to peace, love, and sustainability - not the real world. The next time she wants to send an army of Undead Zombies to eat her neighbour's brains out, she should do it in the real word - not the virtual world. This type of thing has consequences, man, consequences!
NEXT WEEK: Telos Meets Skaro in a Real Virtual Life Love Story! He was a cyber-Dalek, I was a virtual-Cyberman. Could we ever reconcile our very real fictional differences in the name of true internet love?
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
- ► 2017 (35)
- ► 2016 (71)
- ► 2015 (106)
- ► 2014 (135)
- ► 2013 (173)
- ► 2012 (275)
- ► 2011 (261)
- ► 2010 (288)
- ► 2009 (290)
- ► 2008 (316)
- Several Unlikely Uses For a Ballerina
- The Fable of the Metaphysically-Challenged Street
- Larry, Curly, and Gizmo
- Notes Taken After a Walk Back From Fisherman's Wha...
- Geeky Blog Reference
- Virtual Utopian Community Riven By Petty Disputes ...
- Gawd, Not More Pictures, Please, No!!!!
- From Somewhere in Brooklyn
- Being Unavoidably Detained in the northern hemisph...
- Umbrella Story
- To Staten Island, one Pretzel at a Time
- The Arts of Modern Peril
- Fun Facts About Japan!
- Eaux de New York
- Pardon Me If I Do Not Live Up To My Usual Low Stan...
- Train Stations I Have Known Number Two
- Bow Ties, Much Better Than Tai Bo
- Paradigming the Dominant Subversion
- Places You Are In When You Want To Be In Some Plac...
- Position Vacant
- An Open Letter To The Emerging Writers' Festival
- Extrapolate! Extrapolate!
- Meaningless Ramblings for a Saturday Evening
- Oh, Goyous Day
- Learning To Share
- Comment Unpolicy
- ▼ February (28)
- ► 2006 (373)
- ► 2005 (287)