Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Position Vacant

A part-time Stand-up Drone is required for a convention of Manic Depressives in the Manic stage of their illness. For this unexciting position, you will need to have several requirements:

- Lack of a sense of humour

- Some experience in either accountancy or general bureaucratic positions

- Commitment to coming up with unexciting, unoriginal, and usual initiatives

- Commitment to increasing workplace tedium, indifference, and boredom.

- Must have an inability to cause laughter. Our previous stand up drone made our Manics laugh on several occasions, and barely escaped violent death!

To apply, call 9000 0000 and simply tell us about yourself, in 10,000 words or more. Users of long, difficult to understand words will be highly regarded. Yawn inducing capacity a must!


Charles Murton said...

Tim, you forgot "Must be able to work as part of a team." No problem there - the office bore always has plenty of confreres.

TimT said...

Indeed. There's a plurality of bores in the modern workplace. What's the collective noun for these sort of people?

TimT said...

'A tedium of middle managers', perhaps? 'A moan of drones'?

Charles Murton said...

A moan of drones is good. A dunder of department heads? A snooze of supervisors?

Anonymous said...

A Yawn of Colleagues?

A Slumber of Supervisors?

A Twaddle of Teamleaders?

A Morass of Middle-Managers?

Maria said...

All you lot sound too punny to apply. Or perhaps punny enough to. I'll put my hand up. I've got a nice dollop of doldrum about me and I'm generous enough to hand it round. I also like ringing lots of numbers with consecutive 0's in them for no reason but to speak slowly and annoy people - hence my motivation for calling your number - which shows I'm an absolute hoot.

Anonymous said...

A droll of office workers.
A smug of middle-management.
A snide of supervisors.
A barrage of team leaders.
A leech of office bores.
A gust of message runners.
A murder of board members.
A stealth of shareholders.

TimT said...

All good suggestions, folks, though I like a 'dunder of department heads' the best. Or a 'droll of office workers'.

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