The Little Book of Depression

Pessimistic Thoughts For The Day.

1. There's nothing like a little accident to really give you perspective on life. If a lion eats both of your legs, for instance, you'll find yourself thinking, 'Shit. I really wish this lion hadn't eaten my legs!'

Getting your eyes burnt out with hot coals would piss you off, too.

2. In the morning, the sun was shining, and Jeffrey muttered, "Things can't get any worse than this." In the afternoon he lost two of his hands, so that showed how wrong he was.

3. It looks like things are going to be pretty bad from here on in.

4. There's usually someone worse off than yourself. Not always, though.

5. One morning, Patrick woke up and said, "Today is the first day for the rest of my life!" Two minutes later he was dead.

6. Some people die smiling, but that's usually because they've swallowed strycchnine.

7. The train smelled faintly of urine.

8. If somebody laughs, they're probably having hysterics. Call the doctor!

9. One afternoon, Jeremy discovered he had smallpox. All of a sudden, an asteroid collided into Australia, and everybody died except him.

Some people have all the luck!

10. Some people feel pain. Some people are masochists and can take pleasure in their own pain. Then again, some people are ultra-masochists, and take pain in their taking pleasure in their own pain.

Life is truly a vale of tears.

11. Life is truly a rich tapestry of experience. If the doctor tells you you have leprosy, and it can not be cured, for instance, you'll be devastated. But when your nose drops off, you'll be really bloody irritated, too.

12. Today is the worst day for the rest of your life.

13. Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry, and you've probably taken a little too much prozac.