Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Rejected entries for Uncle Almanac's Giant Compendium of Assembled Jokeage

Q: What's the difference between a writer and a smuggler?

A: One plans plots, the other plans plots.


An American, an Australian, and an Irishman are due for execution. The executions are carried out successfully.


Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: Mud.


Q: What's the latest Irish invention?

A: The Large Hadron Collider.

[Editor's note: actually the Large Hadron Collider was built by the European Organization for Nuclear Research.]


Q: What do cows eat for breakfast?

A: Grass.


Q: What's the difference between a teacher and a steam train?

A: One imparts knowledge, the other delivers you to a destination.


A librarian was sitting in the library as she had always done one day when a chicken walked in the door of the library, and up to the desk, saying, 'book, book, book, book, book.' Well, the librarian beheaded the chicken and that night her whole family had a nice roast meal.


Q: What's the difference between an eccentric person who goes about inquiring the local birds about various matters, and a politician?

A: One questions ducks, the other ducks questions.

[Editor's note: the Q needs work.]


Q: When is a door not a door?

A: When it's open.


One day Jackie Jackie...

[Editor's note: racism! Completely unacceptable. Wait for the Giant Compendium of Politically Incorrect Jokes.]


An Irishman, American, and Englishman walked into the bar and drank a moderate amount of alcohol in a responsible fashion before catching the bus home.


Knock knock.
Who's there?
Jackie Ja

[Editor's note: stop. right. there.]


Q: When is a door not an orange?

A: Doors are usually not oranges, most of the time.


Q: What's black and sits at the top of the stair?

A: A black... thing.


A blonde wants to get to the other side of the river. So she walks over the bridge.


Q: What's the difference between a person who designs kitchenware, and a person who draws maps on the kitchenware?

A: One person plans pots, the other plots pans.

[Editor's note: will consider it for second printing.]

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