All-purpose obituary

I present to you the following all-purpose obituary. I’m sure you’ll all be very sad, happy, or indifferent about the event.

Someone in particular died today. Whoever it was that died is survived by whoever it is that whoever it was was related to, and is mourned by whoever they are that whoever it was that died happened to know, whoever whoever it was, was. Other people who knew whoever it was that died, whoever they are, however, will not regret the passing of whoever it is that whoever it was was, and their differences with the other whoevers who knew whoever it was may never be reconciled now.

He or she was the first, last, or middle of his or her generation.