Society must, at some stage, accept that not only is there a widespread demand for pornography, but that it also has the potential, in the process of adhering to certain values, to aid healthy adolescent sexual development. It may seem ludicrous to envision government-funded pornography, but there is no reason why such an enlightened initiative would not be theoretically feasible. Through broadcasters such as the ABC, the government already gives funding to comedy, entertainment, current affairs programs and sport; the only reason, it seems, that pornography could not join those ranks is its general lack of perceived legitimacy.
Looking at porn doesn’t have to be a dirty secret
– David Heslin, National Times (via Andrew)
It was nearly eleven hundred and in the department they were dragging the chairs out of the cubicles and into the board room in preparation for the Two Minutes Masturbation.
A small bespectacled secretary with mouse-brown hair was fiddling with the controls to tune the telescreen into ABC69, while all around the lights dimmed. The next moment the sound of a synthetic saxophone wafted from the screen. If you were from a previous generation you would have identified the sound as belonging to a certain Mr G, first name Kenneth, but if you had the good fortune to be an enlightened citizen of 2084, it would have set your heart racing and made you gasp in anticipation. The Masturbation had started.
The contours of an extremely voluptuous woman became outlined on the screen. She was, of course, naked. As the screen lit up, you could see that she was sitting opposite a person of the opposite sex, also naked. Both their lips were moving, but you couldn’t tell what they were saying yet. The saxophone faded out, and it gradually became apparent what the actors were saying: they talked about feelings, about love, about commitment, about whether they felt they were emotionally ready for one another, about adequate protection, and about the importance of living in an open relationship of mutual trust and respect.
Barely twenty seconds into the Two Minutes Masturbation, people had already begun to burst out with exclamations about sexual tolerance and the importance of listening in a relationship. Looking around the room, Winton could see the faces of his colleagues bursting with the urge to live in an open relationship of mutual trust and respect with the woman or the man on the telescreen. Some had inadvertently let their mouths fall open and were panting at the possibility. Seconds later, of course, the man and the woman collapsed on the bed in sensual ecstasy, and Winton and the rest of the audience gasped.
The scene changed. This time, it was a steamy bathhouse full of buff, well-toned men. A breathy singer intoned wordless vowels as the men stroked and kissed one another. At the bottom of the screen the caption flashed, ‘It’s okay to be that way’. This was replaced in a few seconds by another caption, ‘So long as you have protection’.
In its second minute the Masturbation rose to a frenzy. You could hear the gentle plop, plop, plop as people’s pants or stockings dropped to the floor as soft-core gave way to hard-core and the shots became closer, more tantalising, and flicked from one to the other with increasing rapidity. Here there was a couple in the doggie position while the caption below told the viewers that smoking was bad, there again there was a bedroomful of people giving one another oral sex, while the caption flashed up telling viewers to keep their room tidy.
There were more images; a breast here, an armpit there; half a buttock, a penis, a nipple, someone’s waving hair – Winton seemed to have only a dim recall of the scenes afterwards – as the Two Minutes Masturbation reached its climax. Moments later, he and his other workers filed back out to their cubicles, full of panting desire to do good, enter into respectful relationships, and keep their rooms tidy, no matter what. One or two workers stopped mid-way and scurried back to the boardroom to retrieve their pants that they had forgotten…
2084, Georgus Huxwell
9 comments:
Post number 2000!
I'm still surprised by how many people confuse government funding for government production.
Otherwise, brilliant stuff. I do love a good Orwell parody!
I think this parody it would make a rather interesting extended work of sf - even if it was a little lubricious. Maybe someday I'll write it - I'll leave off the speculations about who funds the Two Minute Masturbation, and who produces it, until then.
Thanks for the idea. As you can see I disagree with you but it's good of you to so vigorously defend yourself over on Andrew Norton's blog. I've been enjoying the discussion.
And I should probably add that it's not really Orwell being parodied here - it's an imitation of Orwell done to satirically frame a parody of your idea.
I'm quite guilty myself of using the terms 'parody' and 'piss-take' very lazily, but it's worth pointing out.
Pardon the pedantry.
"it's an imitation of Orwell done to satirically frame a parody of your idea."
Touche! :P
you are so going to get pron trolls here
... but I hope not.
I suspect that government pornography would be far, far worse than this.
ABC porn would start out as merely multiracial and multisexual, but then the professional ratbag class would start banging on about ageism and fatism and the eco-unfriendliness of waxing. They'd demand REAL porn showing REAL people. Before you know it, fat old men with hairy buttocks would be shagging fat old women with hairy breasts... and they'd be setting aside time in class for school kids to watch it, and then do the comprehension worksheet.
As an entire generation gets turned off sex and remains adamantly celibate, the government would assume that there was some sort of puritanical underground movement forcing young people to curtail their natural drives, and the government porn would become ever more strident, ever more inclusive, and ever more ubiquitous. There would be hideous government porn on TV, radio, bus shelters and newspapers, earnestly jostling for space with the anti-smoking and anti-drinking ads.
"IT'S NATURAL!" bellows an angry bull dyke on the side of a bus as she goes down on her skinny, hairy-legged girlfriend. "DON'T BE ASHAMED TO DO THIS!"
Meanwhile the youth, filled with revulsion at any sexual thought that pops into their heads, have turned their attention to wholesome nature walks, barn dancing and ice cream socials.
Hee hee! It'd make a great novel. I'd write it myself if I were a better satirist.
Precisely Blanders. It's ripe with dramatic possibility - tensions between the growing underground chastity movement and the conservative pro-sex elders, government attempting to regulate the growth in 'chastity literature', magazines and internet sites featuring pictures of people wearing nice clothes, formalised orgies in Federal Parliament...
Scenes from a future dysturbia ...
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